Seeing friend means seeing all of her
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some good friends of ours, a husband and wife, have a painting of the wife in their living room. The painting is a nude from her much younger days.
It is not erotic, but it is very large and very explicit and detailed. She is looking at the viewer with a direct challenge.
When we visit, we are always taken to this room.
It does not seem there is any polite way to avoid the giant nude, short of not visiting at all. Can you think of a way?
GENTLE READER: Many social situations require one to ignore the obvious; this is called tact. Miss Manners would have thought this was one of the less unpleasant of such situations.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is getting married, and I am wondering how to handle family photographs. I have several nieces and nephews who are living with significant others, and I am not sure if I should include the couples in the family photos.
Also, I do not like my dad’s girlfriend of 20 years and I prefer not to have her in the photos. They do not live together. What would be appropriate?
GENTLE READER: It depends on your purpose in photographing the wedding.
If it is to commemorate an event that brought family and friends together for a happy celebration without simultaneously diminishing that happiness, then Miss Manners counsels against making guests feel unwanted.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just received an invitation to a 70th birthday surprise party for one of my friends, sent by the honoree’s daughterin-law. The method she used was to send a text invitation to one of our mutual friends, who then forwarded it as a multiple-person text message. We are supposed to RSVP individually to the hostess.
I have never had such an impersonal invitation. The hostess didn’t even bother to get all of the email addresses to send an evite. I will not be going; obviously, I don’t rate a direct invitation.
I get that those younger than me live and die by text messages. Your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: Invitations to company picnics and neighborhood block parties may be posted on bulletin boards, whether cork or electronic. Most private parties, however, require an individual invitation, issued by someone with the authority to do so.
While Miss Manners agrees that the daughter-inlaw made a poor choice, she would decline for the simple reason that she would not know if she would be welcomed.