Spouse worries widower hasn’t moved on
DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Randall,” was a widower when we met. His wife, “Sylvia,” passed away in 2010. We got married in 2015. I recently was shocked to discover that Randall has kept Sylvia’s Facebook page open, supposedly so his grandchildren can send her messages on her birthday or anytime they feel like it.
Last September, he posted a message that read: “Happy Anniversary. Love you and miss you. 52 years today.” (That day would have marked 52 years of marriage.) When I read it, I realized that, in his heart, he still feels married to her. Am I wrong for feeling that way? — One of Two Wives
DEAR ONE: I don’t think you are wrong, but please understand that some people don’t completely get over the death of a loved one, and your husband may be one of them. If you and Randall have a good marriage, I suggest you develop a sense of humor about it. Sylvia is not a threat to you unless you make her one. Knowing that may lighten your load.
DEAR ABBY: I buy pet food from a small local pet supply shop. I’m a regular customer and have been on a first-name basis with the owner, “Alicia,” for several years. When I went to buy my dog’s food the other day, she was wearing a scarf to cover her head. She has always had shoulder-length hair. It was obvious that she’s ill. I didn’t know what to do. I hoped my face did not give me away. I just proceeded as I normally do — made small talk and completed my purchase.
The next time I go there, should I continue to act like I don’t notice? Should I ask Alicia if she’s ill? I felt uncomfortable pretending not to notice. Please advise. — Animal Lover in Florida
DEAR ANIMAL LOVER: If Alicia wants to discuss her medical condition with you, she will allude to it. If she does, listen to her and offer a supportive comment. Many people seem unable to restrain themselves from asking inappropriate questions, however well-intentioned.
DEAR ABBY: We are a middle-aged couple who live together. I have been with “Jack” for seven years, and during those seven years, he held down one job for only three months and then quit. I love him, but I don’t believe the feeling is mutual if he can’t hold down a job and keep it. He never goes anywhere with me. Jack is a recluse. What should I do? — Finally Fed up in Ohio
DEAR FINALLY FED UP:
I don’t know Jack, and you have not listed even one of his virtues. Unless your idea of a happy future is supporting a recluse who refuses to hold a steady job, it’s time to sing, “Hit the road, Jack!”