What to do when running into proposals

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twice, now, I have become an accidental intruder on a couple’s proposal during my regular walking excursions.

The first occurred on the campus of the university where I am employed. I was willing to chalk my unfortunate presence up to his poor choice of venue.

The second, however, occurred in a public park near an admittedly picturesque waterfall.

On both occasions, I elected to politely avert my eyes and move along as hurriedly as possible without becoming a distraction, and to minimize any chances of accidental photobombing.

As this happenstance teeters dangerously on the edge of becoming a pattern, though, I thought it prudent to request a professional opinion: When such an intimate moment is made a public spectacle, what is the mannerly course of action for passersby?

GENTLE READER: Some thoughts might be: Why are they making a public spectacle of themselves? Wouldn’t such an important intimate moment be best savored in private between the two of them?

Oh, well. Miss Manners realizes how difficult it would be nowadays to convince people that real life is more rewarding than a dramatized version.

So, yes — as much as you can, keep out of the way and out of photo range. And while a cheery “Congratulations!” would be fine if you feel so inclined, it is not obligatory.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is an excellent cook and usually prepares and serves most, or all, of the meal when we invite people over for dinner.

I participate in a variety of ways, including finding recipes, making suggestions about the menu, and doing some chopping or stirring, depending on what we are making. I also tidy up the house beforehand and set the table.

Surprisingly (to me), when guests leave, they often thank my husband for the dinner but not me, as though I am not one of the hosts. I think that it would be more appropriate for guests to thank both of us. Also, I wonder if it would make a difference if the genders were reversed.

GENTLE READER: While you presumably do not want to hear your guests saying, “Thank you so much for tidying up,” Miss Manners agrees that they are remiss. Whatever you do or do not do, you are the hostess.

But while there may be a gender factor here, there is also, nowadays, an unfortunate preoccupation with food as the most important element of a social event.