Time to invite next friend on the list

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

If I invite someone to join me for an event via text or email, and they haven’t responded, how long should I wait before inviting someone else? Sending a casual invite with a deadline doesn’t seem very personable. If I move on to another person, should I let the first choice know?

What if the timeline is tight, like I won concert tickets for this evening and I’m looking for a companion? Is it OK to invite multiple people and let them know that the spot will be filled by whomever responds first?

GENTLE READER: You will fluster your correspondents less if you give them a chance to respond before moving on.

Deadlines diminish an invitation, and should therefore only be included (with an apology) if reasonable, unavoidable and reasonably unavoidable. A qualifying example would be, “I apologize for the incredibly short notice, but I have one extra ticket for the 8 o’clock show tonight. Would any of you three be able to use it?” A nonqualifying example would add, “I’m at the box office now.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a relative who has been living with her boyfriend for a few years now. Last year, they took a vacation to Asia and got married while on their trip. It was basically an elopement, as no one knew until after the fact.

My relative has just sent out a social media post informing friends and family that the last year has been hectic and they’ve made the decision to forgo a reception. They plan on continuing to “celebrate their marriage in a more intimate way, as they see people individually” … whatever that means.

In lieu of gifts, they’ve booked a honeymoon in Hawaii. She then gave a link so people could contribute money for snorkeling and surfing lessons.

Maybe I’m too old-school, but is this normal?

GENTLE READER: You can certainly be forgiven for noticing that your relative only had time between her vacations to stick out her hand for more.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I know a parent who constantly says “Hey you” to their kids. It drives me crazy — I feel it’s a very rude thing to say to your child all the time.

Is it just something getting under my skin, or is it actually rude and impersonal for a mother to address her kids like that?

GENTLE READER:

Whose mother are we talking about? If it is not yours, then Miss Manners hopes you understand that it is not your place to intervene.