Early menopause prompts sense of loss
DEAR ABBY: I am 34 and recently found out I have started menopause. I knew it might come early for me because most of the women in my family began in their 30s and were done by 50. I have no biological children and now probably never will. I guess I waited too long for the right time, the right person, etc.
I am now having a hard time coping with this feeling of loss. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost two years, but we have been together for 10. I wanted to be married and financially stable before having children.
I feel like I’m being punished. My poor husband takes the brunt of my frustrations and anger, which isn’t fair, and I apologize when it happens, but I find myself slowly drifting into isolation because of it. I’m sad, angry, frustrated and empty. I wish I had an answer or anyone who understands to just hear me. Any advice? — Grieving in Oregon
DEAR GRIEVING: Your feelings are understandable.
It’s time to seek counseling for help to stop blaming yourself or your husband and cope with your feelings of sadness, anger and frustration. Once that is done, it may be time to consider your options for fulfilling your maternal instincts. These include fostering, adoption, surrogacy and volunteer mentoring.
DEAR ABBY: I discovered I was being excluded by my co-workers. I have tried to not let it bother me, but it’s starting to wear me down emotionally. I work in an office with a staff of seven women. I have worked with two of them for almost 20 years, and I always thought we had a friendship because we would go to lunch together and occasionally do things outside of work.
Three years ago, I learned they have a group chat with two of the other women and have gotten together outside of work. What bothers me most is they laugh and talk in front of me about the funny memes and videos they send each other.
I’m tired of being excluded, and I don’t understand why they have done it. We all get along, so I’m not sure why this is happening. Any advice? — Apart in Illinois
DEAR APART: Folks are entitled to socialize with anyone they would like after work. However, to treat you the way they have been seems insensitive, and you have every right to say so the next time it happens. It may lead to a “difficult” discussion, but you have a right to tell them how it affects you. Do not depend upon your co-workers to be personal friends. I encourage you to cultivate social relationships outside the office.