MY GRANDSON SAVED ME

Mob Wives star Renee Graziano opens up about her longtime struggle — and new source of strength

Renee Graziano had never felt so low. Plagued by depression for years, the Mob Wives star had been in and out of rehab for mental health and substance abuse issues since 2010. But after an intense period filming Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars and Celebrity Big Brother back-to-back this fall, “I got super depressed,” she tells Life & Style in an exclusive interview. “I felt lifeless, like I wasn’t anybody.” In October, she checked into Transitions Recovery Program in North Miami, where a team of counselors ( led by Renee Sumner) helped her start to rebuild her self-esteem. “We got to ‘I like myself,’” she says.

Then someone came along and brought her the rest of the way. Flying home to NYC’S Staten Island for the April 26 birth of her first grandchild, Renee planned to return to her program for three more months. But as she held Anthony John, her son AJ’S newborn, everything changed. “I felt grateful, I felt at peace,” Renee, 47, shared at an exclusive photo shoot on June 2. “I felt like God forgave me for things I’ve done wrong.” In Renee’s eyes, her grandson had saved her: “Every time I look at him,” she says, “I see the purity in a person that has never experienced any evil. It makes you feel reborn.” Besides, she adds, “Just look at that face! Who would want to be away from that?” With her newfound strength, she hopes she’ll never have to be. “My grandson will never see me mentally absent,” she says. “When I saw him, I was like, ‘I’m not going back.’”

OVERCOMING STRUGGLES

Her troubles began when her ex- hus- band, Hector Pagan Jr., became an infor - mant, providing evidence against her dad, Anthony Graziano, consigliere of the Bonanno cr ime family. “It was this betrayal,” she says. “I cried often, I didn’t leave my bed, I didn’t want to shower.” Her first time at Transitions, “I felt worthless, like less than a penny,” she says. “We had to rebuild me.”

Renee got back on her feet, but her journey was far from over. When she couldn’t handle her pain, she numbed herself. After filming this fall, she vacationed in St. Martin and “partied very, very hard,” mixing alcohol and Xanax. “I just didn’t care anymore,” she admits. An

ultimatum from AJ sent her to back to rehab. “He said, ‘ Get better or you won’t see me or my son,’” she recalls. “My family wasn’t angry. They were just tired of watching me pull myself apart.”

She knows she’ll always struggle with depression. But little Anthony had given her a new reason to fight. “He brought me peace and helped me close the door on that entire book of misery, pain and betrayal,” she says. “I have eight months clean and sober. I haven’t been this happy in years.”