You should tell him goodbye
Dr. Wallace: When I first started dating a certain guy we had a lot of good times together. However, lately, I don’t enjoy being with him because he has been drinking a lot of alcohol. I’m not quite sure, but I think he may even be an alcoholic. If that is the case, I will just end the relationship immediately.
He keeps telling me that he loves me and that he will limit his drinking, but so far, that hasn’t happened. Please tell me the signs of alcoholic addiction so I can determine what I should do now. If this guy didn’t drink, he would be a really great boyfriend. — Nameless, Lake Charles, La.
Nameless: The Johnson Institute, a nonprofit organization that researches the effects that drugs and alcohol have on society, defines chemical dependence as present in an individual when the use of a substance is causing any disruption in an individual’s personal, social, spiritual, or economic life and the individual cannot, or does not, terminate its use.
From what you have told me, there is no reason for you to stay in this relationship.
Dr. Wallace: I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been dating for the past two years. When we first started dating, I went out on him behind his back many times, but I always told him, and he always forgave me. Now I am deeply in love with him and would never go out with anyone else behind his back. In fact, I would marry him in a heartbeat.
Last week I found out that he has been going out on me, and when I asked him about it, he admitted it. I’m now really confused
ROBERT WALLACE
and deeply hurt. Please tell me what to do, but don’t tell me that “turnabout is fair play.” — Nameless, Moline, Ill.
Nameless: The time has come to take a break — from each other. Tell your boyfriend that it would be best if he continues seeing other girls until he gets it out of his system. If and when this happens, tell him that you will be happy to see him again, that is, if you are not seeing someone else.
Do not even think about marriage. It would be out of the question at this time.
Dr. Wallace: My boyfriend and I recently broke up and I was devastated. Then last week, I was reading your column when I read the letter from Karla of Santa Ana. She was heartbroken and didn’t know what to do since her boyfriend left her.
After reading your advice to her, I also took it, and it totally changed my outlook on life. I no longer get depressed or mope around the house all day. I am now enjoying life and I’m able to hold a conversation with my “ex” without wanting to die.
I want to thank you for being such a tremendous help to me. — Amy, Galesburg, Ill.
Amy: It’s a wonderful feeling to receive an email such as yours. Thanks for taking the time to let me know how you feel.