Don’t sit at home and mope

Dr. Wallace: I recently started dating the guy I think is Mr. Right. He is sensitive, caring, and also very sociable and has a lot of friends. We are both 20.

My problem is that I have become extremely possessive and I get upset if he talks to anyone when he is with me. I even get mad if he goes out with his buddies and leaves me sitting home wondering what he’s doing.

What can I do to stop myself from being so possessive? — Extremely Possessive, Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada.

Extremely possessive: The first step in solving a personal problem is to admit the problem exists. The second step is to seek help. You have done both! You’re well on your way to overcoming the demons of jealousy and possessiveness.

Dating and falling in love sometimes brings out shocking truths about who we are. You’re possessive about Mr. Right because you lack self-confidence. You feel that you don’t really deserve such a great guy, so you torture yourself with the thought that another girl will take him away. Such fears often become selffulfilling. They cause you to act in ways that are certain to drive him away from you.

Let yourself relax with the knowledge that he cares more for you than any other girl. Trust this fact. When he’s out with his buddies, don’t sit home and mope. Do something special with your own friends. This is very important. You must learn to enjoy your own life, whether you are with him or not. This is the only antidote to jealousy.

Here are some other suggestions: Start making a point of trying new things: get into the habit of exercise and healthy eating; volunteer your spare time helping others; smile a lot and send fun time with your girlfriends. If you don’t have any, find time to make friends with girls who have similar interests that you enjoy.

Dr. Wallace: My mother and father were never married, but have lived together since I was born. About two years ago my mother started dating a guy who worked in her office, but it didn’t seem to bother my dad because they have separate bedrooms.

Now this guy has moved in with us and they got married a couple of months ago. It seems very weird to me because they are very affectionate and it looks strange to see my mom kissing another guy, especially in front of my dad. My dad doesn’t seem to be bothered by this, but it’s really awkward at the dinner table because my mom cooks and we all eat together. (And sometimes they even hold hands or smooch at the table.)

I told my mom that I felt really uncomfortable with this living arrangement and she said if I didn’t like it I could go live with my grandmother. I’m 16 years old and I don’t think I’m living in a healthy environment. Your opinion about this will be appreciated. — Disenchanted, Detroit, Mich.

Disenchanted: Move in with your grandmother, but make sure you can return home if things don’t work out. If grandmother happens to be your father’s mother, it might be wise to encourage him to join you at grandmother’s house.