A person who needs people
Dear Annie: I am in my mid-60s. I live in a small town, where I know lots of people but have only one friend I can count on. Another really good friend had to move out of state for her job. And another friend, along with her husband, I have known for 35 years, but I get absolutely nothing in return. We only get together if I reach out to her. I’d like to cut her off, but I have no one to take her place.
My extended family members are not too far away, but they are too busy to make a phone call or send an email. I’m friendly with my husband’s family members, who all live close by, but they never call or make any effort to keep us informed of family news. My husband has never helped in that regard because he doesn’t keep in touch with them, either. He also makes no effort to get together with friends. I have a happy marriage but need more than my husband to keep me company. I need more than one friend, as well.
Having no friends is a problem I have had my whole life. My family of origin was rather dysfunctional, with a brother who was troubled and made it difficult for all of us. My parents were preoccupied with him and expected the rest of us kids to take care of ourselves, and because there were no other kids in the neighborhood to befriend, I feel that I was unprepared to make friends. Looking back now, I could have been a better friend to people as I became an adult but didn’t really get it at the time and was very frivolous with friendships. I get along fairly well socially now, but there is no one I can call and say, ”Hey, let’s do something.” I also worry about what would happen if my husband or I got sick, which I’m seeing more with people in our age group. Whom would I call for support?
Facebook makes me sad because it appears that others my age are still enjoying a very active social life. Has our culture created an atmosphere in which no one cares, or is it just me? — Nobody Calls
Dear Nobody Calls: First off, there aren’t any people who are having as good a time as they seem to be on Facebook. If looking at those posts is bringing you down, log off for a while. Second, the best way to get somebody to call is to call her first. I know; you have tried reaching out to some people. But keep trying.
Check out Meetup, a website designed to bring people together in real life over common interests. There’s a group for everyone — amateur quantum physicists, alcohol-free adventurers, beerdrinking book-clubbers, puzzle enthusiasts, bridge players; I could go on all day. The point is that you need to get out and try new things. Friends are yours for the making.