Wait until you say wedding vows
Dr. Wallace: How do you know when you are ready for sex? I know this is a difficult question to answer, but I think you are qualified to give an honest answer. I’ve grown up in a very religious home and both of my parents want me to wait until I get married. I’m 16 and think that I don’t want to wait five more years before losing my virginity.
In this day and age, it’s very hard to stay a virgin. At school, many of my very close friends are sexually active and when they discuss having sex with their boyfriends I get jealous and envious.
Although my mom wants me to wait, she said that if I get serious with a guy, she would see to it that I get on the pill and demand that the guy use a condom. She also assured me that if I happened to get pregnant, she would help the baby and me financially even though she would be terribly disappointed.
Some days I wish I could have sex just to get it over with, and other days I want to be a virgin bride. By “ready for sex,” I mean that both of us would be in love and that both of us would be committed to each other.
I’ve talked to my parents, grandparents, friends and now you about sex. I’m still searching for information. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? — Curious, Tampa, Fla.
Curious: Don’t believe that in this day and age it’s hard to stay a virgin! Researchers at the University of Michigan conducted a study to determine the percentage of 12th grade girls in the Detroit public schools who were virgins. They found that 61 percent of these girls said
ROBERT WALLACE
they had never had sex.
I realize that this is but one survey in a particular area, but the findings were significant. I’ve been writing a column for teens for quite some time and girls contact me by a 4 to 1 ratio. When the questions concern sexual matters, the ratio is 10 to 1 girls over guys. This is because girls have much more to lose. Being an unwed pregnant teen is a traumatic experience, one that no teen should go through. Sexual intercourse is not a game!
Somehow, some teens think that love is sex. It’s not. I have received a myriad of letters and Emails from teen girls who said that losing their virginity was a mistake and that they regretted the experience. I can’t remember one teen girl informing me that she was thrilled to have been sexually active.
You will be ready to share love after you and your husband have fallen in love and have said the magic words, “I do!”
Dr. Wallace: I’m a 13-year-old guy and I still have a high voice. All my friends have deeper voices while mine has not even started to get lower. What can I do? I really hate my voice, so I don’t do a lot of talking. —Nameless, Hammond, La.
Nameless: Have patience. You are in that mysterious time in your life known as adolescence — when a young guy evolves into a young man. Voice changes in young men come all at once. One morning you will wake up with a much deeper voice, and the change will shock even you!