Former mother-in-law was quick to disown grandson
Dear Annie: I was married to a man for 15 years and grew very close to his parents. I developed a particularly close relationship with his mom. After my husband and I divorced, I remained close to her, which I was happy to do, especially because she is my son’s grandmother.
My son and I continued to have a close relationship with my mother-in-law until five years ago. She had sent my son $50 for a birthday, and my son, being a teenager, took his time sending her a thank-you note for the money. He eventually did send her a thank-you card (within a month of receiving the money), but not before she had contacted us to ask whether he had received the money.
Ever since, she has stopped all communications completely with both of us, despite my repeated attempts to stay in touch. She has moved to another state and does not use a computer, so I have relied on sending cards on her birthday and other holidays.
I accepted her behavior as her way of communicating to us how disappointed she was in my son’s lack of immediate appreciation. However, my son recently got married, and her lack of communication was once again brought to the forefront of my mind, and I was hurt, mostly for my son. Weddings are all about family and love. It would have been nice if she could have acknowledged this very special occasion.
At this point, I am not expecting any kind of reconciliation. However, if she happens to see herself in this letter, I hope she knows she is missed. — Wishing Things Could Be Different
Dear Wishing: Your mother-in-law made Kilimanjaro out of a molehill. A teenager’s taking a month to send a thank-you is no reason to disown him. She could have simply done what many other frustrated grandparents have done in her situation: stopped sending gifts. Her over-the-top reaction suggests a deeper unhappiness in her life.
The kind, sweet mother-inlaw whom you grew to love might no longer be available, for reasons you may never know, but that’s OK. We can’t control others’ behavior. We can only control our responses to it. You’ve responded with grace — continuing to reach out to her on birthdays and holidays — and I commend you for that.
Dear Annie: I never thought that I would find myself writing to you, but I need advice on how to handle a situation with my neighbors’ 10year-old son.
“Sam” comes into my yard, uninvited, at all hours of the day and night. He has not only climbed my apple trees and loaded his pockets with fruit but also stripped my tomato plants bare, trampled my potato vines and knocked the stuffing out of my scarecrow. On one occasion, I even found him doing his “business” on my begonias! Annie, I was so horrified that I couldn’t even speak. When his mother returned home from her yoga class that afternoon, I went over to talk with her. “Boys will be boys!” was about her only response. She also said, “The nanny is supposed to supervise him when he goes out.”
I would put up a fence, but my town’s zoning ordinances won’t allow it. The rest of the neighbors are up in arms about this kid, as well. With gardening season starting again, I am worried that there will be a repeat performance of last year’s reign of terror. With Sam on the prowl, not even a scarecrow is safe out there anymore. What can I do? — Ready to Throw in the Trowel
Dear Ready: This little garden gnome has made enough mischief, but his mother is the real troll here. It’s time for another chat. Ask what she will do to ensure her son doesn’t enter your yard again. This isn’t just a matter of manners. If he were to get injured while climbing one of your trees, you could end up facing a lawsuit. Let her know that if he continues to trespass, you will contact local authorities. Good luck to you — and to your scarecrow.