Empowering words in Stockton from a trio of leaders

STOCKTON — Melissa Bongcarom wasn’t sure what to expect when she arrived at the third annual Advancing Women’s Leadership forum on Tuesday.

The 16-year-old McNair High School senior figured it probably would be inspiring and even motivating, but after hearing from the three women leaders who spoke at the conference she said she felt empowered.

Bongcarom was among hundreds at University of the Pacific’s Alex G. Spanos Center who listened as Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg spoke of how women often are denigrated as “bossy” when they are simply showing leadership. Also speaking were Bank of America California President Janet Lamkin, who encouraged listeners to expand their world through travel and to ask for what they want; and concert pianist Jade Simmons, who delivered an electrifying speech and performance about rejoicing in rejection and understanding one’s purpose.

The Advancing Women’s Leadership forum was created to inspire local young women, business leaders and students; to highlight the achievements of area women; and to bring world-class speakers to Stockton, according to the women who founded the event. The founders are Kristen Spracher-Birtwhistle, regional director for Kaiser Permanente Medical Group; Cyril Seligman, founder and CEO of EMMI Physician Services; Kathy Lagorio Janssen, former owner-president of Ace Tomatoes; Dea Spanos Berberian, executive vice president and secretary of the board of Spanos Company; and Connie Maria Callahan, 9th Circuit Federal Court judge.

“This forum promotes and showcases women leaders in all areas,” Lagorio Janssen said. “Bringing the likes of Sheryl Sandberg, Sonia Sotomayor and Condoleezza Rice to Pacific helps cultivate future leaders.”

Bongcarom, McNair’s Associated Student Body president, said she could relate to Sandberg’s and Simmons’ comments the most, and added that she was certain their messages would also resonate with her classmates.

Simmons spoke first, delivering an energetic presentation that treated guests to samples of her piano performances, which at times blended rap and African drum beats. Simmons was described as “classical music’s No. 1 maverick” when she was introduced to the audience Tuesday, and she shared what it took for her to carve her own path in the highly structured, serious world of classical music.

Simmons, who is black, said her entrance into the world of classical music was a surprise to some at times. But she said when people mistook her for an usher or told her she was a “credit to her race,” she turned those experiences into positives.

Her biggest message, however, was her belief that people should bring forward their whole self, even if others don’t understand or appreciate it.

“You don’t have to explain your magic,” she said.

Simmons added that she let go of the idea of what a concert pianist had to be and created her own, truer version, mixing her love of beats with classical tunes. She said that doing so showed her what her true purpose was. And purpose, she said, is “not the thing you do but the thing that happens to others when you do what you do.”

Those in attendance also enjoyed a conversation and question-and-answer session between Sandberg and University of the Pacific President Pamela Eibeck.

Sandberg emphasized that women and girls need extra support largely because they systematically are not expected to become leaders. Women are told to dream big, but society needs to support those dreams, she said.

Words like “bossy” are used to describe women and girls, but are not typically used for men, who culturally are expected to lead, she said. Barriers for women are still present.

As Bongcarom prepared to leave the forum, she said the words from Sandberg will stay with her.

“A lot of people come at me like that and they say I’m bossy,” Bongcarom said. “But it’s more than that — it’s taking charge in what you do and being the best at your craft.”