Father doesn’t want three sons at his funeral

Dear Annie: This is a problem I know my family will have pretty soon. My mother married my stepfather, ”Skip,” after my father died 19 years ago. My stepfather had eight children before they got married, so I have eight stepsiblings. My mom passed away a few years ago.

Three of Skip’s sons won’t speak to him or visit because he gave his daughter power of attorney and they were very upset by that. Anyway, the problem now is that Skip doesn’t want his sons at his funeral at all. He has told his other five children to make sure the other three aren’t there.

What can be done to get them to stay away at the funeral without causing a problem and without getting the law involved? — Very Unhappy

Dear Very Unhappy: You can try keeping the location of the service a secret and let all invited guests know to keep the address to them- selves. If the service is being held on private property, you can explain the situation to the owners and ask for their assistance in keeping out unwanted guests, who would technically be trespassing.

All that said, the onus is on the three brothers to respect their father’s final wishes. Should they manage to attend the funeral, keep the focus off them and on remembering and celebrating the life of your stepfather.

Dear Annie: I just read your column with the letter from ”Sad and Over It, With Empty Pockets.” It was about a deadbeat son’s not paying his parents back for a student loan. That is almost the same situation I am in.

About nine years ago, I cosigned a student loan for my granddaughter. She promised to pay it back. After about seven months, she quit. She has not made a payment in almost two years. The balance owed is a little over $10,000.

I get collection calls daily. I sent my granddaughter a letter stating that she has to do something. She told me she isn’t working and has two kids. I tell her to call the agency and arrange to make interest payments. She refuses.

Well, after reading your reply to ”Sad and Over It, With Empty Pockets,” I will be calling an attorney this week. — Empty Pockets, Too

Dear Empty Pockets, Too: I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. I hope the attorney’s letter straightens your granddaughter out and you’re made whole. Remember that assertiveness is not cruelty; it’s merely self-respect.