Local groups work to prevent suicides

Before her suicide attempt, people thought she had it all, Kelechi Ubozoh told ABC News on Tuesday.

The Oakland native had a good job and a good relationship, but also hid a lot of pain, she said.

“I quietly tried to share that I was struggling, but instead of help, I was told that I was selfish, being dramatic, and needed to pray,” she said. “None of these messages was helpful.”

The recent deaths of fashion maven Kate Spade and celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain have reopened a sometimes difficult conversation and raised questions: How can someone recognize when a loved one who seems happy is struggling? And what should they do if they’re worried?

“It’s like anything else, it has a stigma attached to it,” said Lindy Turner-Hardin, executive director of the Child Abuse Prevention Council of San Joaquin County. “It really is critical to get people talking about it.”

The council receives a grant from the county to run

suicide prevention and mental health programs in local schools, and also offers counseling services to at-risk families and those in crisis.

Most people who consider suicide show warning signs beforehand, said Cassie Lowe, the CAPC’s suicide prevention program director.

Signs can include new or heightened anxiety, feeling very worried or stressed constantly, talking about feeling hopeless, seeming very sad and listless, or a “flat aspect” — acting very passively and showing little emotion.

Giving away possessions, especially items they value, is another sign.

“This could be an indicator that they’re preparing for death,” Lowe said.

A radical change in mood from seeming sad or down to elated can be a sign that they’ve made a decision, she said.

But people shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that a loved one wants to die. They simply don’t feel like they have another option.

“It’s important for everybody to remember that suicide isn’t about dying, it’s about ending the pain,” she said.

What to do

If you worry that a friend or loved one is considering suicide, it’s important not to ignore the subject.

“If somebody is suspecting that a loved one is considering suicide, the most important thing they can do is ask them directly, ‘Are you thinking about suicide?’ ” Lowe said.

Someone who has not considered harming themselves might be a little shocked by the question. But for those who are having thoughts of suicide, it can open the door and encourage them to speak about it.

The person asking the question should be prepared to listen, and to keep their loved one talking until they can reach out to other help or get them to a hospital.

“The longer they’re talking to us, the longer they’re alive,” Lowe said.

It can be an incredibly difficult question, Turner-Hardin said, but it opens up the conversation.

And sometimes, just having someone to listen can help someone who is thinking about suicide, said Drew Strachan, volunteer outreach and program coordinator with NAMI San Joaquin.

“Half the time, that’s all it takes — just listening to individuals who are in crisis,” he said. “They want to be heard and they want to be validated.”

Those considering suicide often feel alone and isolated; knowing they’re not alone and not being judged can help.

Both the Child Abuse Prevention Council and NAMI San Joaquin — the local branch of the National Alliance on Mental Illness — offer a number of resources for families and individuals struggling with thoughts of suicide, depression, stress and other mental health challenges. These range from counseling and hotlines to support groups and other services.

“Our mission really is to protect children and strengthen families in San Joaquin County,” Turner-Hardin said.

Where to turn

San Joaquin County has several hotlines, “warm lines” and text message options for anyone who is struggling with frightening thoughts but is uncomfortable sharing them with friends or family.

The Suicide Prevention Lifeline is one option, at 800-273-8255. It’s completely anonymous, Lowe said.

Another option is calling the county crisis line operated by San Joaquin County Behavioral Health Services at 209-468-8686. This is a line for someone who is feeling the urge to harm or kill themselves and needs help immediately.

“Behavior Health Services has the mobile crisis support team,” he said. They will talk to a caller, evaluate the situation, and send out someone to help.

No one should be afraid of the police being called, Strachan said. The officers who work with the crisis team have gone through training to keep a situation calm and help those in crisis get to the hospital.

“They would much rather (people) seek treatment through BHS than just stick them in jail,” he said.

Sometimes, it’s easier to put feelings in writing than to say them out loud. Text messages are another way to get help.

“We’re seeing a lot of it in high school and college,” Strachan said. “It’s another option.”

The Crisis Text Line offers a few different ways to connect. Texting “HOME,” “CONNECT” or “COURAGE” to 741741 will connect texters to a trained volunteer. They can offer support and connect you to medical resources, though they can’t offer medical advice.

While it generally takes five minutes or less to hear back from a counselor, Crisis Text Line warns that during busy periods it may take a little longer. People in crisis shouldn’t worry that they’ve been ignored.

“If you feel better texting than you do talking, if you text that, you will receive a text back,” Strachan said.

For people who are not in crisis but are struggling and need someone to talk to, Behavioral Health offers a Consumer Support Warm-Line. That number is 209-468-3585.

Help in the schools

Both the Child Abuse Prevention Council and NAMI San Joaquin have started programs in local schools.

“High school is a really rough time for our young people,” Lowe said.

Suicide has become the second-leading cause of death among young people from 10 to 24, she said. And at that age, a lot of kids are figuring themselves out — exploring everything from their favorite hobbies to their sexual orientation or gender identity. Friends can change and stress can increase as students grow.

The Child Abuse Prevention Council educates students and teachers alike on how to spot someone in distress, and how to help someone struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts get the help they need.

“We bring the Yellow Ribbon campaign to high schools throughout the county.”

The national suicide prevention program centers around “Ask 4 Help!” cards. The cards have numbers for the Suicide Prevention Lifeline and Crisis Text Line.

They also have advice — “Stay with the person,” “Listen, really listen” and “Get help immediately.” These tips aren’t for the person thinking about suicide. They’re so someone considering harming themselves can give the card to a trusted adult to act as their voice, and be given the help they need.

Other CAPC programs in local schools include

SafeTALK, Break Free from Depression, and Coping And Support Training, aka CAST.

The goal of each is to get students, teachers and others talking about mental health and suicide in a healthy way, so that it can be prevented.

Turner-Hardin went through the SafeTALK training herself, which has participants roleplay conversations about suicide and other mental health challenges so that if they come up in the real world, they’ll know what to do.

It’s hard to be direct, she said, but it really helps to open up the conversation.

“We want to make sure that we contribute to destigmatizing mental illness, because it is such a common thing that so many people deal with,” Lowe said. “We all play an important role in helping each other stay alive and be well.”

NAMI San Joaquin focuses more on overall mental health, but they, too, have been working to help young people identify mental health challenges and seek help.

Mountain House and Lathrop high schools have even formed NAMI clubs on campus, organized and run by students at the schools. Both groups have hosted health fairs to raise awareness about mental health topics and provide resources for students.

“We not only are there with NAMI literature, but we also are there with Each Mind Matters,” Strachan said.

Each Mind Matters is California’s mental health education and advocacy movement.

The goal of all these efforts is to give young people the information they need to help prevent suicide or to get help themselves, long before they need it.

“Suicide has no boundaries. It can affect anyone at any time,” Lowe said. It’s a sentiment that Ubozoh can get behind. After she attempted suicide, she built up a network of friends and family members, learned how to protect her mental health, and recognized her need to connect to others and avoid isolation.

She encourages people in pain to speak out, and their friends and family to listen.

“When someone is physically sick, we know exactly what to do. We bring casseroles, send flowers and cards, and think about what someone who is in pain needs,” she told ABC News. “I don’t think it should be any different for folks who are feeling suicidal.