What’s past is prologue
Ihave long imagined strolling along a beach one day and tripping over a brass lamp half buried in the sand. I unearth it, polish it with my T-shirt, then suddenly a Genie emerges from the mists.
“I will grant you three wishes,” he proclaims. “What is your heart’s desire?”
Finally! I already know my first wish: to meet every woman from whom I’m descended.
Before I’m able to ask, however, Genie holds up a finger and adds, “There are three things I cannot do: I cannot kill anyone, make anyone fall in love or bring people back from the dead.”
What? No! This has been my written-in-stone, nosubstitutions-allowed wish for more than 40 years. I don’t have another in mind.
How many women would that involve if a generation is 25 years, and we’re going back to the beginning of the human race? I can’t begin to comprehend the number. Still, it’s my wish. A couple of events started me thinking more about my antecedents recently. First, while sorting out paperwork, as I’ve discussed in the two previous columns, I’ve come across some pretty amazing pieces of communication. Second, this Sunday is Mother’s Day.
In tribute to a few exceptional mothers, I’m highlighting what makes them special. Aside from honoring these women, I do have a point to make, which you’ll discover.
First and foremost always is my mom, one of the most patient and creative people I’ve known. I came across another special letter from her this week, although it wasn’t written to me. It was the draft of a letter to a relative, and was written a few months after Mom had finished her first round of chemo.
Her handwriting was difficult to read at that point. It took me well over an hour to do the initial reading, but was it ever amazing. In five pages I learned how she felt about God, religion, being a mother and grandmother, her joys and disappointments and lots more.
We had a great relationship, and some of what she wrote I already knew, but some were revelations. I will cherish it forever. I typed it up to share with other family members, and when my brother called after reading it, he only said, “Wow.”
I agree.
Both of my grandmothers had impact and influence on me, but my paternal grandmother was the one who suffered the most heartache.
She taught me about putting the past behind and leaving it there, as she had done. We played a zillion games of Yahtzee. She also showed me how to pick the best fruits, vegetables and cuts of meat. Life skills. Last week I found her brief family history, so now I can finally fill in the blanks in my knowledge.
My mother-in-law also rose beyond a hard childhood and deep poverty. She was three when her mother died. There is no written history of her mother that I have found, except her name. What made my mother-in-law special to me was that she made pie crusts without a recipe, decorated her entire house for every holiday, and never offered unsolicited advice. Not once.
She kept a diary for every year. I asked her if I would find out things about her after she was gone by reading her diaries. She said no. And she was right. She did keep the scores of every Giants game, however.
My daughter-in-law is the most loving, creative, and giving warrior woman I know. At the moment she’s working on completing her 300th face mask to give to front-line medical workers, while parenting five children, helping with tele-learning, taking meals to those in need, participating in drive-by celebrations, and much more. She has amazed me from the first day I met her 26 years ago. Her mother sets a fine example, too. She is thoughtful and also creative, using her talents to surprise people with kindness and just the right pick-me-up. She’s dependable and has become one of my dearest friends, someone I relied on a lot after my husband died. I am so very grateful to her.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of these special women, and to all of you mothers out there.
Finally, please remember to ask questions of your family members about their lives. Write it down. As I’ve been learning these past weeks, these are the things that matter in the end, especially since no Genie is going to grant you a wish to interview the ones who are gone. Future generations will thank you.