Time to stay or go
Dear Annie: Almost four years ago, I had a double mastectomy, and five months prior to that, a complete hysterectomy! Over time, I have had 19 surgeries. Needless to say, I haven’t felt very good about myself. In fact, I’ve felt pretty low more times than I can count.
Then I found out that my husband has been looking up “ubersex,” dating sites and free Facebook hookups and multiple similar sites. I don’t know for sure if he has actually met with anyone. He doesn’t know that I know, at least for now.
I’ve put up with a lot throughout our relationship, including his addiction troubles.
I’ve never been the kind to let someone else define my worth, but I’ve lost any self-esteem I’ve ever had! I’m not a weak woman at all. I’ve fought hard over the last several years to be here for my family and myself.
My husband won’t touch me or even look at me if I’m changing, and that hurts. This act that’s so intimate from someone so close to me has made me feel so unsexy and not wanted.
My relationship has never been easy, but I’ve fought for it, and at times, so has he. But this time, I feel like in order to heal myself, I need to find myself by myself. His actions have really impacted me! Any insight helps. — Lost in My Own Head
Dear Lost: First things first: You are a strong woman. You survived a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy while being married to a louse.
Regardless of whether he actually cheated, the fact that he is busy looking at dating sites instead of bringing you chicken soup while you recover is enough evidence to say you either need to go to counseling NOW or say goodbye.
It is completely understandable that his actions have impacted you, but now it is time to free yourself of that toxic relationship. Go to counseling with your husband and see if he can make a complete change in behavior and be there for you, or move on and find someone who sees and appreciates you for the beautiful woman you are.
One of the vows we take in marriage is “in sickness and in health.” He seems not to take that one seriously, for when he had addiction troubles, you stood by him, and after you had major surgeries, he left you emotionally and physically.
I wish you the best of luck and have faith that you will find your self-esteem again.