Ex-husband won’t stay away

Dear Annie: I have a dilemma. My ex-husband, who is the father of our two children

(ages 16 and 17), always seems to end up back in my day-to-day life. He has stayed with me at least four times since we have been divorced. He always gets me with a sob story about why he needs to stay at my house with me and the kids.

Currently, he has been staying with us for three months, because he decided to rent his home out and I was his backup plan apparently.

I don’t want a romantic relationship with him and I’m trying to be diplomatic when telling him to get out.

By the way, every place I’ve lived since our divorce, he has used the address to send his mail.

I’m tired of his smothering nature but I want to maintain a civil friendship for the sake of the kids. Help! Is there a way out of this tangled situation? — Smothered in Georgia

Dear Smothered: The next time he starts up with one of these sob stories, plug your ears. There is no excuse for his imposing on you this way. And by desperately inserting himself into your life, he’s preventing you both from beginning to heal and move on with your lives.

Set boundaries and stick to them. Tell him the current situation is not working and that you need him to find somewhere else to stay.

This isn’t just the right thing to do for your mental health but also the smart thing to do for the sake of civility: If you continue letting him stay with you and bottle up your real feelings, it’s only a matter of time before you explode.

Dear Annie: I have two beautiful children, a daughter and a son. I raised my son, while my daughter’s father raised her. My son does everything for me, and he is married and has a 4-yearold boy. My daughter is a pharmacist, just divorced, and has no children. She never comes to see me — no birthday gifts or Christmas presents.

I’m 60 and in not-so-good health. I feel her dad probably talked about me over the years. I left when she was 9. But I still had my visitation rights. Do you think I’m a bad mom? — Bad Mom

Dear Bad Mom: I am not here to judge whether you are a bad mom or not. It sounds like you probably made some not-so-great decisions when your children were young. You are 60 now, and a lot of time has passed. You can’t go back in time, but instead of blaming your daughter’s father for your daughter’s behavior toward you, take responsibility and repair it.

Admit your mistakes, and just tell her how much you love her and that you want a relationship with her. But don’t expect her to take care of you. Remember, you are the mother.