Losing That Loving Feeling

Dear Annie: I am 54, from Texas, married, and feel like I am in my 70s or 80s. My hair is almost all gray. I am out of shape and trying to raise a daughter through this pandemic. Staying home and doing homeschooling is not fun at all. I really feel like I am going through a major depression stage, and my marriage is getting to that most hated word for some guys — “divorced.”

My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years. We have a daughter together, and she’s an exact duplicate of her mom in looks, attitude, moods and everything else. My daughter and I are just fire and ice; we cannot get along. I love her very much, but she’s a mama’s girl big-time. My wife works and is the breadwinner of the house, and I do the housework.

I feel depressed and am scared I am losing my wife and my manhood. Our marriage has not been all that great. Yes, we have our ups and downs, but I feel like we are drifting apart. Even though we may not be intimate, kiss each other or try to love each other, we are still together for our daughter. Call it an excuse or whatever you want, but it’s the truth. That’s the way our lives are.

My question to you is this: Why do I feel the way I do, facing what I face every day, with no energy for anything? I love my wife but the loving feeling is going away. What do I do? I need answers and your help. Please be honest with me and tell me what to do before I really lose everything. — Lonesome in Texas

Dear Texas: Filing for divorce or ending your marriage is never a decision you want to make lightly. It sounds like you are suffering from a major depression. You are in your 50s and deserve to feel your age, not like you’re in your 70s or 80s. This is understandable, particularly during this pandemic, and it’s time to get professional help — not only for yourself but for the sake of your wife and daughter.

When your health is not good, it is really hard to make any good decisions, so focus on getting healthy first. Tell your doctor about your depression and get yourself into a treatment plan immediately. Once you have a handle on your health, you can see how to “bring back that loving feeling” with your wife. Marriage takes work, but if you are too tired to even take care of yourself, how can you take care of your marriage?

Best of luck and please know that you are not alone. Many people are feeling sad and scared during this pandemic. But there is hope and help out there. Always remember that this is just a moment in time, and this too shall pass.