One man’s trash is not another traveler’s treasure

Isn’t California beautiful? This summer, I plan to take the kids on a car trip just to see our interesting roadside landmarks.

To keep their little noses out of their smart phones, I’ve devised an interesting game called, “Tag the Trash.” They can earn points for pointing out various items along our magnificent roadways. Here are some examples:

On the low end of the scoring scale are large black trash bags. They are so numerous that no points are offered unless seen in groups of at least three. All a child has to do is aim his finger and yell “Tag!” The first one to do so gets a point.

Five-pointers include Styrofoam coolers, pizza boxes and plastic yard chairs.

Moving up the ladder for 10 points includes old tires, TV sets, car body parts, mattresses and ripped-up couches.

Fifty points are for refrigerators, engine blocks and transmissions. The grand prize of 100 points is for burned out RVs and stolen cars.

But note that homeless camps are out of bounds. There’s just too many of them.

I’m sure you’ll agree that Tag the Trash is a great way for kids to learn how strict environmental laws and expensive disposal fees make our state a wonderful place to be!

(Oh, no! He’s making fun of government policy. He’s going to get kicked off Facebook!)

Styles

Back in the 1950s, Detroit was a lot smarter with car designs. Not only did they try to make each brand look unique, but also used their products as rolling billboards.

Each car had its brand name in script or block letters located in at least two different places. That was to let other motorists know whether you were driving the best or simply a car for the common customer.

Same thing went for the top-of-the-line series within a brand, or the basic no armrests, no cigar lighter and no whitewall tires model that screamed, “scrooge!”

In addition, other emblems told fellow drivers you either had splurged for the biggest gas-guzzling motor available, or you just had the standard, miserly old folks six-cylinder engine.

Still other signs and symbols told people you bought an automatic transmission, overdrive, limited-slip differential, air-conditioning and even power steering.

This advertising technique today is pretty much a thing of the past — with the possible exception of the big engine thing. Large graphic decals now tell the story.

I could go into Freudian symbolism about that, but I’ll save it for another column.

Today, cars are mostly lookalikes with the exception of small logos on the front and rear — maybe a name plate and model initials on the back — the latter which mean nothing to most.

So which era do I prefer? Well, I have to say the modern approach works best for me. I don’t need to advertise just how really cheap I am.

Paper Bags

The grocery store bag story in California is getting really weird.

Take that initiative we voted for in order to save the planet.

The thinking was a dime per bag would encourage people to reuse them or bring an alternative cloth carrier to their favorite marketplace.

Then COVID hit and changed everything. Suddenly, the environment no longer mattered.

Junk science suggested the virus could be clinging to life on a used bag — ready to strike an innocent bystander like a coiled viper. Therefore, customers could no longer bring their own.

The governor tried to provide some relief by suspending the dime fee. But that action had no reduction on waste in our recycling centers.

Now the 10-cent fee is back, but we still can’t bring our own bags.

Somehow, I think we all just got shafted — and so did our landfills.

(Oh no! He did it again! Now he’s going to get kicked off Twitter too!)