Aunt is spoiling for an argument

Dear Amy: I have an aunt with whom I have been close over the past 18 years. We are drastically different in most ways — she dropped out of high school, I have two master’s degrees; she is a Republican, I am very liberal — and we both have strong opinions. We also have children who are the same age, and that has helped us keep our connection.

When we disagree, she will stop talking to me for months. She either won’t talk about what happened, or if she does, it is through yelling and being obstinate. Several times I have decided that I am done with her, but eventually we get along again, and our families spend time together several times a year.

At the last two functions at our home, she has tried to start arguments with me in front of other people. I think this is rude, and I honestly wonder if there is something wrong with her.

I cannot invite my own mother to family functions because she thinks she is being entertaining by cutting me down in front of others, and I feel my aunt is quickly making her way into this category. What would you do?

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: You can control this to some extent by anticipating that this woman will attempt to bait you. And you can determine that you will not play this game, because if someone throws an argument and no one shows up, the perpetrator is left stewing in her own juice.

Something might be wrong with this aunt. She might have an illness, become argumentative when she drinks, or might have simply decided she doesn’t like the cut of your jib.

I suggest you explore ways to cope with your aunt’s behavior — a combination of ignoring and deflection might work — or you could mentally (or physically) leave the room.