His son has disconnected
Dear Amy: My 19-year-old son has grown distant.
I got divorced when he was 14. Afterward our relationship was the best I could manage, considering a parenting schedule of every other Sunday. Before the divorce we were close and spent a lot of time together (including coaching his multiple sports activities).
I attended all important events and spent as much time as possible with him. It was not as close a relationship as I would have liked, but it was functional.
Since his high school graduation night two years ago, I have not had any communication from him. All texts, phone calls and emails go unanswered.
Although I still have a functional relationship with my older son (we share dinners and talk about his life, school and his plans after college) the only information about my youngest comes through his mother (and yes, she has addressed the issue with him, unsuccessfully). He is now a fivehour drive away at college.
I have been consistent in my messages, asking to get together and telling him I’m always here for him.
My greatest fear now is that we will grow further apart and I will miss out on his life experiences.
What else can I do?
Heartbroken Dad Dear Heartbroken: Young men your son’s age are somewhat notorious for communicating badly with their parents, but I agree that this is extreme. You two seem to have a lot of rebuilding to do.
I suggest you communicate with your ex and see if you can arrange for you and your older son to pick up your younger son from college at the end of the semester. Packing the car and taking a trip together would be an opportunity for you to share an experience and reconnect. Don’t push too hard, but don’t give up.
Dear Amy: Two brothers (in their late 60s) went on a hunting trip with friends. One of the brothers, “Steve,” is my fiance of 10 years (there are insurance reasons for not marrying).
Prior to the trip Steve assured me there would be no strip club visits.
I found out much later (by accident from someone else) that there was a visit to a strip club and that my fiance’s brother “Randy” had a lap dance — and because it was not in the U.S. you get more than a “dance,” if you know what I mean.
I am more than angry and disgusted by this behavior. This has had a big impact on trust and sex for me.
I also look at Randy with disgust and feel that his wife of 50 years should know about this.
I am sure it would affect family functions if I told her. Maybe it is none of my business, but I feel (woman to woman) that it IS my business, and if it were me I would want to know. She could be infected by an STD.
Your opinion?
Furious
Dear Furious: My opinion is that you should stick to your own knitting. You seem to gloss over your guy “Steve’s” betrayal of your trust and focus on his brother, who presumably didn’t promise that he wouldn’t visit a strip club.
He and his wife may have a different understanding than you and your fiance have. Because you don’t know for sure what took place, you should focus on the impact of this on your own household.