Other woman still around

Los Angeles Times - - COMICS -

Dear Amy: Am I ask­ing too much to ex­pect my hus­band to elim­i­nate all con­tact and ex­po­sure to his (for­mer) emo­tional af­fair part­ner? He feels my re­quests are un­rea­son­able and con­tin­ues to at­tend so­cial func­tions, know­ing full well that she will also be in at­ten­dance. He re­mains friendly with her as though noth­ing hap­pened.

This af­fair nearly ended our mar­riage, and I long for a to­tal com­mit­ment with­out fur­ther ex­po­sure to his past ad­dic­tion. My for­mer ther­a­pist felt that my hus­band should un­der­stand my po­si­tion and be will­ing to make that com­mit­ment to me and to our mar­riage. I re­live the en­tire heart­break­ing pe­riod of our mar­riage each time I see him choose to be around her

can only as­sume this is truly an ad­dic­tion that must be dealt with, be­gin­ning with to­tal ab­sti­nence. Oth­er­wise, th­ese so­cial func­tions pro­vide a fix rather than a cure to his prob­lem.

Your ad­vice?

Heart­bro­ken

Dear Heart­bro­ken: You equate your hus­band’s emo­tional af­fair with an ad­dic­tion. So, yes, it would be eas­i­est on you if your hus­band would agree to to­tally ab­stain from so­cial con­tact with this per­son.

But he won’t. So the only ques­tion you need to an­swer for your­self now is: “What’s next for me?”

My own take is that, if your hus­band had an emo­tional af­fair and then is able to run into this per­son and act as if noth­ing had hap­pened, isn’t that a good thing? If he acted all weird, se­cre­tive and in­ti­mate — that would be an in­di­ca­tion that this con­tact was a trig­ger for him. But re­ally, it seems to be a trig­ger for you.

If your hus­band truly IS ad­dicted and you want to stay with him, then you should take a page out of the ad­dic­tion and re­cov­ery play­book and un­der­stand that you are pow­er­less to con­trol him. You may choose to love him through this, or you may choose to leave him over this.

You might also re­al­ize that if you see this per­son and hold your head up and “act” like noth­ing has hap­pened, it is one way to re­claim your own life and get some of your power back.

Dear Amy: What is it about peo­ple and their dogs? I love my dog (and dogs in gen­eral) as much as the next per­son, but I would never ask (or as­sume) I could bring my dog to any­one’s house.

I have a friend who al­ways brings her dog to our house. This dog con­sis­tently pees and poops on my floor. She thinks it’s OK be­cause she cleans up af­ter it.

I think it’s rude, un­san­i­tary and gross.

I feel like if you have a dog and need to leave town you should make ar­range­ments for it ei­ther with a hous­esit­ter or a ken­nel. Am I be­ing too picky about this?

Pee-ved in LA

Dear Pee-Ved: Dogs are now con­sid­ered by many to be full-f ledged fam­ily mem­bers, but this sta­tus re­quires that the own­ers must take full re­spon­si­bil­ity for be­ing. great par­ents. The friendI who lets her “baby” poop and pee on your f loor isn’t be­ing a good “mom” — or a good friend. You should be hon­est with her about the im­pact on you.

My own re­ac­tion to this trend is to re­quest equal ac­cess for my gi­ant tabby cat, Ch­ester. He’s quite well-be­haved. Send ques­tions for Amy Dickinson to askamy@tri­bune.com.

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