Wife shares bed with boss

Los Angeles Times - - CALENDAR - Send ques­tions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@tri­bune.com.

Dear Amy: My wife oc­ca­sion­ally has to travel with her boss overnight to op­er­ate tech­nol­ogy at meet­ings. She makes the travel ar­range­ments. I no­ticed a cou­ple of years ago that she booked one room with two beds. When I asked her about it she said it was for the pur­pose of cut­ting costs. She says this is a way that he is able to give her a pay raise each year. She claims she would never cheat on me, nor would he cheat on his wife of 33 years.

He is a fru­gal man, so I ac­cepted that ex­pla­na­tion. How­ever, I re­cently came across an email that showed a room reser­va­tion for a sin­gle king-size bed. When I asked her about it, she said it was the only room type avail­able, and that there is noth­ing go­ing on be­tween the two of them. She said there is plenty of room for them to stay on their own side of the bed. Ap­par­ently it wasn’t the first time this hap­pened.

Should I ac­cept her ex­pla­na­tion? Your thoughts?

J

Dear J: I hate to in­tro­duce an­other note of doubt into your re­la­tion­ship, but I can­not imag­ine this sit­u­a­tion be­ing be­nign.

I sug­gest you find out what your wife re­ally means by “op­er­at­ing tech­nol­ogy.” She should be will­ing to give up her raise to book two rooms.

Dear Amy: A few weeks ago I ran into an ac­quain­tance who has been fight­ing breast can­cer for the last year. She is forthright about her di­ag­no­sis, and her spirit is ad­mirable.

I men­tioned I was mid­way through a book that I knew she’d love. I promised to share it when I fin­ished it.

As it turns out, the last quar­ter of the book is de­voted to the pro­tag­o­nist’s own can­cer di­ag­no­sis and his even­tual death.

Should I give it to her?

Lit­er­ally Un­sure

Dear Un­sure: You should give your friend a dif­fer­ent book that you also love but does not stress your ac­quain­tance with an in­tense dy­ing scene.

Dear Amy: My nephew is get­ting mar­ried this sum­mer in Cal­i­for­nia. Most fam­ily mem­bers on both sides (in­clud­ing me) live on the East Coast.

We re­ceived a no­tice from him re­cently say­ing, “Your pres­ence is our gift. You can con­trib­ute to our dream hon­ey­moon!” Their plan is to go to Maui. There was a link to a web­site head­lined “Our Reg­istry” invit­ing ev­ery­one to con­trib­ute to their choice of air­line miles, car rental, ac­com­mo­da­tions, din­ner, spa treat­ments and a sun­set din­ner cruise. I think this is a bit for­ward. What do you think?

Of­fended in the East

Dear Of­fended: The most “for­ward” as­pect of this no­tice from your nephew is the con­fus­ing mes­sage the cou­ple are send­ing to their wed­ding guests.

What they are say­ing is not “Your pres­ence is our gift” but: “We don’t want a gravy boat. We want to ride on a boat.” They do want gifts, and they have cre­ated a reg­istry to guide guests to­ward the gifts they want.

Hon­ey­moon reg­istries have be­come com­mon, in part be­cause cou­ples of­ten have their house­holds as­sem­bled by the time they get mar­ried. Think about it this way: Would I rather give the cou­ple some­thing I want them to have or some­thing they want to re­ceive?

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