Boyfriend won’t budge

Los Angeles Times - - COMICS -

Dear Amy: My boyfriend, “Chas,” and I have been to­gether for 21⁄ years. We are

2 both in our early 20s. He has a room­mate, “Tay­lor,” whom I can­not stand. Tay­lor is a to­tal mooch.

A month ago I brought up the topic of us living to­gether in his apart­ment. I told Chas that if we lived to­gether, Tay­lor would have to leave. Af­ter a few weeks of wait­ing for his an­swer, I con­fronted him.

He said no! He kept say­ing that he wasn’t ready for me to move in be­cause it was rush­ing and that it wasn’t fair to kick Tay­lor out. He said that when Tay­lor leaves, that’s when we will start talk­ing about it.

I feel like he has cho­sen Tay­lor over me. I refuse to live with Tay­lor.

My mother and grand­mother have told me I need to leave Chas, but I also feel like I can’t wake up ev­ery morn­ing not know­ing he is in my life. What should I do?

Grouchy Girl­friend

Dear Grouchy: I’ve got to hand it to “Chas” — de­spite your re­peated pres­sure, he has been com­pletely hon­est with you and has man­aged to re­sist your plan for to­tal world dom­i­na­tion. Don’t lay any of this on his odi­ous friend. “Tay­lor” is merely a ba­nana peel tossed onto your path.

The an­swer to all of your ques­tions, en­treaties and de­mands is to pay at­ten­tion to your boyfriend’s words and ac­tions. You two are on com­pletely dif­fer­ent re­la­tion­ship tracks. He is drawing the line at living to­gether. Try lis­ten­ing more and di­rect­ing less.

You can ei­ther ac­cept this and con­tinue to wake up each morn­ing, frus­trated (but in a re­la­tion­ship), or you can break it off and search for a dif­fer­ent part­ner who gives in to you more read­ily.

Dear Amy: Our fam­ily has al­ways sup­ported the chil­dren in the fam­ily through their birthdays, grad­u­a­tions, fundrais­ers, etc.

When my son grad­u­ated from col­lege, four peo­ple in our ex­tended fam­ily did NOT ac­knowl­edge his grad­u­a­tion.

This caused hurt, and, of course, I couldn’t un­der­stand why, be­cause one of those fam­i­lies who ig­nored us has two chil­dren who will grad­u­ate. There­fore, we will be ex­pected to ac­knowl­edge two of theirs when we only had one child, who got noth­ing.

Help me to deal with this.

It is very hard to get over.


Dear Hurt: Many peo­ple dread th­ese an­nounce­ment cards, which crowd the mail­box at this time of year. You see th­ese an­nounce­ments as a con­tract whereby the re­cip­i­ent must send an ac­knowl­edg­ment and/or a gift to the grad­u­ate.

But not every­body knows what to do about th­ese cards.

As the par­ent of a col­lege grad­u­ate, you should have min­i­mal in­volve­ment in send­ing th­ese an­nounce­ments — un­less you are host­ing a cel­e­bra­tion for your grad­u­ate.

You should also try harder not to keep score. Your own gen­eros­ity comes from an ex­pan­sive and lov­ing place in your heart, but not ev­ery­one is like you. Other peo­ple are over­whelmed or dis­or­ga­nized or sim­ply aren’t as kind as you are. If your son ex­presses his hurt over this neg­li­gence, you should ex­plain to him that life is not fair. Send ques­tions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@tri­ or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tri­bune, TT500, 435 N. Michi­gan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

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