Same-sex partner is asked to skip funeral

Dear Amy: I have been in a same-sex relationship for the last 15 years. Our families have accepted our domestic partnership respectfully. I’d like to think that we have “bonded” with each other’s families as well.

My partner’s father passed away today. I knew the kind man and even hosted him here at our house when he wanted to leave his small farm in Idaho to stay a week in the big city of Los Angeles visiting his son.

Assumptions can be ugly. I “assumed” I would accompany my partner to Idaho to pay our last respects at his funeral. However, my partner’s mother said “I don’t think it would be a good idea” for me to go to the funeral. Her reason is that her extended family would be present and I guess I would be an embarrassment to her.

I did not raise a stink in

light of the circumstances. I respectfully understood and accepted.

I have a great relationship with my partner’s three sisters, albeit a long-distance one. Should I email them and tell them the truth or should I stay quiet and have them believe I was too busy to pay my last respects?

Feeling Kinda Bummed

Dear Bummed: Your partner should quietly tell his sisters that his mother asked you to stay away and that you have regretfully respected her wishes. You should follow up with the sisters (and your partner’s mother), to share memories about their father-husband and express your affection for him and your sympathy.