Mom gets involved in family squabbles

Dear Amy: I come from a large family of nine children who don’t always see eye to eye. Some of us barely speak to each other. The problem is, whenever there is any type of sibling rivalry, our mother wants to know what’s going on and intervenes.

This has caused much division among us. I tried to explain to our mother that she should not get involved and that it is none of her business. We are all adults with families and lives of our own. What happens between us, we need to work out among ourselves and if we choose not to — that is our business!

My mother believes that because she is our mother it makes it her business and she has the right to try to smooth the waters between her children. This not only makes it worse for the siblings but it also puts a strain on our relationship with her.

I love my mother dearly, but I feel our conflicts are just sibling rivalry.

Feeling Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: Don’t even bother telling your mother what is or isn’t her business. As long as her children live and breathe, she is going to make you all her business. Accept it.

In a family of so many siblings, you can easily lay down ground rules, which another sibling could immediately undo. You must accept that this is a dynamic that exists and will continue. Because you value your privacy, you should not discuss these difficulties with your mother. Understand, however, that for other siblings, her intervention might be useful.