He doesn’t help with baby
Dear Amy: I’ve been married for f ive years to a wonderful, funny and very hardworking man. We have one child, who just turned a year old.
We live 10 hours away from my family/ friends and f ive hours away from my inlaws. My husband travels for his job, so most of the time it’s just me and our son at home — sometimes for weeks at a time.
When my husband is home, he isn’t helpful with our son. Even when the child is napping and I want to run to get groceries, my husband will ask me to wait until he wakes up and take him with me.
The very few times I left him with our son ( never for more than an hour), I will return and smell poop and ask if he changed his diaper. He’ll shrug and say, “You didn’t tell me to.” He gives me the same answer if I ask if he fed him, gave him a bottle, etc. At bedtime when I ask for a hand, he suddenly has to run to the store.
How can I get help without begging and nagging? Overwhelmed Dear Overwhelmed: Because he isn’t in the home consistently, you will have to basically train him in basic baby care and proactively promote bonding. Celebrate their special relationship, and keep your own expectations realistic.
When you two go out together with your baby, f ind another task to do and ask your husband to get the baby dressed. Don’t criticize any choices he makes and, if he asks for help, answer his questions, but don’t jump in.
He can ( and will) f igure this out to some extent, but because he is away and working very hard, you will have to understand that he is already performing a very important parental function, which is to support his family.
Dear Amy: My fiancé and I have been together for four years. We got engaged last fall and are planning a September wedding. We are both in our 30s and have put major thought into planning and saving for our special day
We don’t expect our parents to chip in. We are adults and will pay for our own wedding.
Suddenly, my stepbrother proposed to his girlfriend of three months. I have quite a few concerns. He’s 30 and has been married twice before. She’s only 21. They are deciding on a July wedding, and my father and stepmother are rallying around this joyous occasion. They are cleaning up their farm for the wedding ( they had already told us it wouldn’t be ready for us).
My father is also paying for my stepbrother’s various family members from other states to attend.
I’m having a tough time being genuinely happy for them when I feel that they are “stealing my thunder.” I expressed these concerns. My father said they knew I would be upset, but there’s nothing that they could’ve done about it.
Is it wrong to say I can’t attend their showers, help with decorations or go to the actual event, due to my own plans? Trying Not to Be Bitter
Dear Trying: You are an adult, so act like one. Yes, you should attend your stepbrother’s wedding. . Pretend you are happy for him and his young bride — even if you’re not. If the farm is already cleaned up for your stepbrother’s summer wedding, you might want to also use the venue in the fall.