When times are difficult
Dear Amy: I am 24 years old. I am a happy person overall, but lately I’ve been feeling down. With everything going on in today’s world, and the state of society these days, it scares me at times.
I felt safe in the ’90s. Not so much seemed to be happening back then. Life was simpler. Is what I’m experiencing normal, or is it something more? Feeling Down in CT
Dear Feeling Down: Life definitely felt simpler for you in the ’90s, because you were a child in the ’90s. Chances are that in 1997, for instance, your life revolved around getting through preschool.
I was an adult in the ’90s, and life did not necessarily seem better or simpler then, at least to me. Our national life ratcheted between good times and bad, calm times and scandal, peace and conflict.
What you are experiencing now might be a very real trough, or it might be your growing awareness of your own personal responsibilities and relative sense of powerlessness.
I do believe that people who feel overly worried, scared or depressed about national and international affairs would feel better by controlling the constant wash of news and fake news they are exposed to, and by getting off the couch and doing something.
Please take this opportunity to volunteer in your community and do your best to make this world a better place.
Dear Amy: I have two children with my ex-husband. His parents only see our children at Christmas. These grandparents are only active in the lives of some of the grandchildren.
Recently they invited our youngest child to a show, and I was excited that they had reached out. At the end of the call, after arrangements had been made, they told me that the cost of the outing would be $30.
I was caught off-guard. My mom never asks for money when she offers to do something special with the kids.
My children do not even receive birthday cards or phone calls from these grandparents, but I know that they are generous with their other grandchildren.
Is it my responsibility to facilitate this relationship by paying for my kids to be included?
I am not aware of any bad feelings between us, but I did opt out of sending my son to the show. Did I do the right thing? Confused Mom
Dear Confused: This is an expensive outing, but all the same, these grandparents came up with the idea, presumably made arrangements and initiated the invitation. Their efforts should have been acknowledged, and if you couldn’t afford (or didn’t want to pay for) the outing, you could have suggested an alternative. You could have invited these grandparents to your home or to a local concert, for instance.
It sounds as if your parents are doing a good job of being the kind of grandparents you want your children to have, but for some people, reaching across the divide of ex-spouses is hard. You don’t mention making an effort to include these grandparents in your kids’ lives. They are your former in-laws and may need more overt encouragement than your own parents require. They have made an attempt. It’s your turn to reciprocate.