Famous and inconsiderate

Dear Amy: My husband and I live in a gated community. About a year ago, we were shocked to see a player from a major league sports team buy the home directly next to ours. My husband was absolutely thrilled.

We became friendly with him almost right away, as his dog and our dog liked to play with each other in our connected front yards.

Then suddenly, his notoriety increased overnight and the “chaos” began. Constant partying, loud music, a nonstop flow of people and cars going in and out.

I was leaving for work one morning, and an insanely expensive car was blocking our driveway, and a young woman was passed out drunk in the passenger seat. She was fine, but the situation was frustrating, especially for me because I had to get to work.

My husband and I agreed that he would talk to our neighbor. Several hours later, my husband came back home, completely drunk and raving about what a nice guy he was and that we should let it all go.

I feel alone in dealing with this situation. How do I handle this one? Not a Fan

Dear Not: Your neighbor has co-opted many of your rights: the right to the quiet enjoyment of your own property, the right to privacy, and the right to have access to your vehicle so that you can go to work.

He has also co-opted your husband.

Write down your specific concerns. The process should commence with an in-person, neighborly appeal from both of you (together): “We work in the morning and the volume of the music is so loud that we can hear it in our bedroom with the windows closed.” And, “Last week I couldn’t get to work because a car was blocking the driveway and a woman was passed out inside it. I was so worried about her I wanted to call the police.”

Keep detailed notes of dates and times and take photos or videos during disruptions, as well as your conversations with him about this. In the future, if nothing changes, call the police if necessary.

Take your overall concerns to the organization that runs your gated community.

And then get your lawyer involved.

Dear Amy: I have a pet peeve about wasting food or water.

At my local aquatic center, after swimming I have noticed that some bathers just stand in the shower upward of 15 minutes, allowing the water to merely run down the drain.

It drives me crazy, knowing that there’s such scarcity of clean drinking water in many parts of the world, and these clueless women are wasting so much of it!

Would it be impolite to call this to the attention of the perpetrators, or should I just grit my teeth and mind my own business? Not Water Logged

Dear Not: Do not disturb fellow swimmers in order to tell them how to behave. It is not only impolite, but obnoxious. You could approach the management of your center to ask them what measures they take to preserve water.

I need to point out that the fact that you have access to an aquatic center in the first place speaks to your willingness to use (or “waste”) water for your recreational needs when you want to. How many thousands of gallons does it take to fill that swimming pool?

Send questions for Amy Dickinson to askamy @amydickinson.com.