Family bequest hurts wife

Dear Amy: I’ve been happily married to a wonderful man for the last four years. My husband has a teenage son from his previous marriage.

Last week I came upon a printout of email correspondence between my father-in-law and his financial planner. In the email, my father-in-law asked how to ensure that my stepson receives the remainder of my in-laws’ estate after my husband dies.

The financial planner suggested a couple of options, one of which would be using a generation-skipping trust that my husband could draw from while he is alive but would become my stepson’s upon my husband’s death — regardless of whether I am alive.

I was surprised and hurt by the email. While I sympathize with my father-in-law’s desire to pass something down to his grandson, it seems cruel and unnecessary to do so by cutting me out.

Still, it’s my husband’s family’s money and not mine, and I feel guilty for even caring. But my husband has been relying on the assumption that he will get an inheritance during his retirement, and while I have a small IRA of my own, I am genuinely scared for my financial future.

Should I ask my husband to talk to his parents about it? I would like to think they did not intend to cut me out of their will. Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: I understand your father-inlaw’s intentions. If your husband dies before you, you will presumably inherit the family home and whatever other assets might be left from your husband’s savings. Many state laws ensure that a spouse will inherit a guaranteed proportion of the spouse’s estate.

If your father-in-law dies and leaves everything to your husband, and then your husband dies and leaves everything to you, and you live for 30 more years using the income you have inherited from both men, your stepson might not receive any inheritance from either his grandfather or his father.

The way I interpret this instruction, your husband doesn’t have to worry about trying to leave something for his son (in addition to you), because his son will already be receiving an inheritance.

You should show this email to your husband and use this as a reason to start your estate planning. Don’t blame the older gentleman for wanting to provide for his grandson; this money could be used for the young man’s education and would save his father (and you) from that expense.

Dear Amy: I’m responding to the letter from “Worried Worker.”

Lots of people have to work with jerks, but that’s life. It’s only illegal if it’s discrimination because you’re a woman, or because of your race, etc.

Not all bad behavior is worthy of a lawsuit, and while that boss sounds horrible it should be a learning experience.

My dad always told me, “Don’t leave a job because of someone, because people come and go.” I have found that to be true. Just because people are hostile does not make it a hostile work environment in the eyes of the law. Sandra

Dear Sandra: You are right. However, “Worried” would learn if this behavior was actionable by researching her legal rights.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@amydickinson .com.