Assault haunts friendship
mind, for some reason this memory is surfacing frequently lately. I finally told my husband about the incident about five years after it happened and asked him not to say anything to anyone.
Whenever my friend calls now, I am rude to her, cutting the conversation short. I am wondering if I need counseling and whether I should tell my friend the real reason that I am distancing myself from her.
Your advice, please? Haunted
Dear Haunted: Yes, you definitely should receive counseling. Meeting with a therapist will give you a safe space where you can talk about this and describe all of your feelings, including your conflicted reaction to your friend over time.
Your story provides an example of how damaging and insidious sexual assault is. It traumatizes you initially, and then the memory of it can continue to surface, along with feelings of anger, guilt and shame. Assault disrupts your friendships and other relationships, even the one you have with yourself.
Given everything you state, unfortunately, I think this long friendship is probably over. And yes, I do believe you should disclose this to your friend. The man who did this to you was a minister. He no doubt had countless opportunities to assault other women, and given the brazen and reckless way he did this to you, you should also consider going to the police; other victims might come forward.
Talk this through with your counselor and your husband, and do what you need to do to receive relief, release and peace.
Dear Amy: The letter from “Feeling Dished” concerned who should do household chores, namely washing the dishes.
The couple should purchase a dishwasher, if they can. If they can’t, then I agree with you — the person with the most specific standard should do the chore. Happy Household
Dear Happy: Of course, many couples also argue over the “correct” way to load a dishwasher.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@amydickinson.com or by mail to Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.