Family stuff on Facebook

Dear Amy: Our daughterin-law occasionally vents her feelings about a family problem on Facebook. My wife and I do not use Facebook, so we hear about this from friends.

I would like to sit down with her and our son and explain that family matters should be kept in the family and not vented on Facebook.

I do not want to see a wedge being driven between us, but I am afraid this will happen if she continues.

Do you think this is the right way to approach this? Concerned

Dear Concerned: It is not your job to tell your daughter-in-law and son about the appropriate venues to express themselves. It is your job to tell them how their behavior affects you.

Your daughter-in-law might believe (naively, of course) that she is talking to her friends when she vents about family matters on Facebook.

Before talking about this, you should have specific examples of what it is that you object to (your friends might be exaggerating this issue).

And then you should say, “We find it embarrassing to learn from other people on social media that you have a problem with us. Can we please talk and work things out together?”

Then you must leave it to them to make a series of choices. You must make choices, too.

In the future, when friends report this to you, you might respond, “We understand that this is happening, but we’d rather not hear about it.”

Dear Amy: I am 3 years, 11 months away from retiring. I am an attorney working full time for a company in a nonlawyer position, although my customer base is primarily lawyers (I was hired because I am a licensed attorney).

The job is very easy but low paying. The trade-offs were huge, but it made sense to give up the money and go corporate.

The problem is that I have a very difficult time focusing on the job. I find the job and the environment boring, and money is always a problem.

My husband is retired, and I have always been the primary earner in our family. My children live on their own, but we contribute.

I was hoping you could point out some things I could do to be more focused and positive about my job. At my age (62) finding a better job is unrealistic. Work Weary

Dear Weary: I’m sorry your job is boring, but at least the pay is low, right?

You could approach this along two tracks. One is to take the financial pressure off by weaning your adult children from your financial support. Remember that it’s OK for them to struggle. You shouldn’t continue to shoulder their rightful adult burdens.

Second, you should see if you can transfer within your company to a job that might be more stimulating and commensurate with your skill set. This wouldn’t involve a lengthy external job search, and would notify your employers that you are eager for more stimulating work.

Also, pursue efforts outside of your job which would be stimulating and useful. You might explore becoming a volunteer legal adviser for children in the foster care system, for instance. This experience could be a game changer for you.

Send questions for Amy Dickinson to askamy@ amydickinson.com or to Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.