Her boss is just a big bully

Dear Amy: I have been in my job for just over two years.

I like the work and most of the people that I work with, but my boss is a bully to me and everyone else. He has yelled at me at least 10 times.

The last time he yelled at me was about a month ago. I walked into work and could tell he was already in a bad mood. All of a sudden, he started yelling about a memo I sent. I’d finally had enough and respectfully stood up for myself. The memo he yelled at me about was the same one he had approved a week before. Following that incident, he sent an email apologizing for his behavior.

I come from a long line of strong women, but I am scared to lose my job if I stand up for myself. The men in the office are also his targets. How do we put a stop to this? Nervous Employee

Dear Nervous: You already stood up for yourself, and it worked, so you should continue to stand up for yourself, respectfully countering any bullying behavior and unfounded accusations that are flung your way.

Keep a written record of any bullying behavior you consider out of bounds, including dates, times, and his response.

If you are fired because of advocating for a professional atmosphere at work, then you should have grounds for recourse and/or an appeal. That’s why you should build your case, while always behaving professionally and respectfully at the office.

Dear Amy: My grandparents are narrow-minded. I am of mixed nationalities, and as I’ve grown up, I’ve come to understand they are set in their ways.

Things are so bad in my family that my stepfather (of Mexican heritage) no longer speaks to my grandmother, due to her upsetting comments.

My boyfriend is also Mexican. He met my grandparents once, and no issues arose.

I graduate from college soon and will be having a barbecue to celebrate. This includes the mixing of my grandparents and my boyfriend’s large family.

I am worried I will not be able to enjoy the celebration because I will need to babysit or censor my grandmother’s comments to prevent offending his family or my stepfather.

How do I go about setting this event on a smooth sailing path? Mixed With Anxiety

Dear Mixed: Take responsibility for introducing your boyfriend’s family around.

A nice introduction can set everything off on the right foot: “Grandma and Grandpa, this is Angelo and Rita, Sam’s parents. You have something big in common — you both love to garden.”

If there is no common ground between them, don’t worry about it. Just be upbeat and make a polite introduction.

Do not attempt to censor your grandmother. If she can’t keep her mouth shut and ends up offending guests, your parents should ask her to leave.

You are not her keeper, and you don’t control her. Her bigotry reflects badly on her, not on you. If the worst happens, you can say to those offended, “I’m sorry that happened. I wish my grandparents were open and kind, but they’re not, and I’m sorry you were exposed to that.”