Separation anxiety
Choosing to leave a job you love can be difficult
I f you can remember back to your first day of school, you might recall having nervous a stomachache, some quiet crying in the back seat of the car and a reluctance to let go of your mom’s hand when the school bell rang. After all, you had no idea what to expect once you walked through those school doors. Would you make any friends? Could you handle the work? Where would you go to the bathroom? While it may have taken a few days or weeks to get used to going to school, eventually you took your place in line each morning, entering the classroom with a smile. OK, maybe not quite a smile but at least face no longer drenched in tears.
Now fast-forward a couple of decades. You’re considering looking for a new job but you don’t want to be the new kid again; so instead of actively pursuing a new workplace, you dawdle through a sad attempt at a job search knowing you just aren’t up to the task of starting all over again.
“That’s a defeatist attitude that will cost you opportunities and money over the course of your career,” says Dawn Mastrioni, a career coach in Morristown, N.J., who had stints in the HR departments of Apple, Yahoo and Dell. “Everyone is scared of the unknown but most adults are able to talk themselves into accepting the challenge. If you’re paralyzed by that challenge, you’re going to be stuck at the same desk in the same job for a long time.”
Overcoming that fear of a new job may be daunting, but it’s entirely possible.
1. Consider your history. Unless you were born in a cubicle, there’s a pretty good chance you’ve already experience several first-day challenges. Use those successes as proof that you can adapt to new situations.
“Think about previous first days on the job or first days of school,” says Mastrioni. “You were nervous but it all worked out. You met people, learned the ropes and made the situation work for you.” 2. Be realistic. Not every job is going to be perfect. While you shouldn’t expect a doom-and-gloom entrance, don’t expect your new co-workers to welcome you with wine and song.
“Most people are pretty indifferent to new employees,” says Mastrioni. “They small talk through introductions and then go back to their desk. Relationships are built over time. You shouldn’t expect to make a new set of lifelong friends that first week.” 3. Feed off the discomfort. Acknowledge the fact that you’re going to be uncomfortable and embrace that feeling. “I think I do my best work when I’m out of my comfort zone,” says Richard Chang, a Seattle-based interior designer.
“I’ve had jobs with some pretty prominent clients and I walk in and have no idea how I’m going to help. The space is limited, the client is hostile and the timeline is condensed. In those cases, I usually go back to my car and throw up. Then I put my nerves in a little box and get to work. I let the uneasiness motivate me.”
4. Dive into the work. Don’t wait around for every little direction. You know what job you’ve been hired for so it’s OK to work on both the expected and unexpected tasks. Find out as much as you can about your job, the company and the industry and create a plan. “New employees with plans are going to fare better than those who think they can pick up the job as they go along,” says Charlie Noble, a Boston-based career adviser who specializes in relocation opportunities.
“Go ahead and map out your first week, your first month and your first year. You can share that with your boss if you want. He or she may have some suggestions and some reactions that will help you stay on track. And really, how impressed will the new boss be when you show him or her how you plan to help the company in the year ahead?” 5. Remember, it’s just a job. When you’re not in the office, keep pursuing the activities you love, whether they’re watching movies with your partner, experimenting with new recipes or playing outside with your kids. “Always stay grounded,” says Noble. “Never let the job define you.”
And if you can’t find a passion for your new position, use the experience to learn and grow and then move on. “If you hate your job, you can leave,” says Mastrioni. “You’re not tethered to your desk or bound to one employer. You just have to do what’s right for you.”
Here are 5 tips to help you combat that first-day anxiety