MIL dislikes daycare idea

Dear Amy: My mother-inlaw has no tact or respect.

That being said, she is well-intentioned and kind in her own way. She loves her kids and her grandkids.

Her attitude is that she raised three boys and she knows best. She doesn’t care that you’re supposed to put babies to sleep on their backs or that you’re not supposed to use blankets in newborn cribs, or whatever it is; she is going to do it her way.

She has used this approach with our nephew and it infuriates my sister-in-law (and me).

Now that we are expecting a baby, she announced to me today that “no grandchild of hers goes to daycare,” so she will be babysitting.

I don’t trust her with my baby. I’ve seen her with my year-old nephew. My husband agrees and is on the same page.

We are just stumped. How do we tell her that she won’t be watching our baby or that our baby will be going to daycare?

I’ve tried to lay some groundwork, like talking about all of the social benefits of daycare or how there are really nice ones close to my work, but it isn’t sticking.

At the end of the day it is our decision. How do we tell her “no” without wrecking our relationship?

Expecting and Uneasy

Dear Expecting: Don’t bother quoting studies and explaining your point of view. Just state your position and move along. If she fumes and argues, you and your husband should respond with a version of, “That’s OK. We understand that you disagree, but this is the choice we’re making.”

Dear Amy: My sister and I decided to live at home while attending college. We see each other daily.

She’s driving me crazy! We both have liberal views and are both lesbians. The problem is she constantly talks about social justice issues every day — and most days they are the only things she will talk about. I mostly agree with her views, but it becomes repetitive and depressing.

I do not want to debate and hear about every horrendous news article she reads. I don’t want to hear about the latest assault case, or the gay person beaten up by their family. Maybe it sounds bad of me, but it is exhausting and distressing to constantly have these conversations with her.

I tell her to stop, but she gets angry or emotional and says I don’t care about the suffering in the world. Lately I have started to snap at her when she brings up social justice issues.

How can I get her to stop constantly talking about these things with me?

Annoyed

Dear Annoyed: You two are spending too much time together. If you saw each other less frequently, you wouldn’t find your sister quite so annoying.

You can’t control another person’s utterances. You can control your own reaction, and the way you react may influence your sister, to some extent.

When she climbs on her soap box, you should start by telling her, “I think it’s great that you are so compassionate, but I don’t want to discuss this right now.” And then calmly and politely disengage.

Snapping at your sister only inspires her to snap right back.

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