7 ways to be a better listener
T he next time you’re out with friends, pull back for a moment and observe the conversation. Are people constantly cutting each other off? Do they allow others to finish a thought before they add their own spin on the issue? Most importantly, do they engage each other in conversation, asking questions based on answers in an effort to move the conversation forward?
You might notice that the art of conversation has taken a hit because the act of listening has become nearly impossible. At the workplace, ineffective listening, especially during one-on-one conversations, can harm your reputation and your career.
Keep the conversations focused and effective by being a better listener. Here are several tips to help improve your listening skills. 1. Make eye contact
The No. 1 rule of listing to someone involves the eyes, not the ears. Don’t let your eyes dart all around the room or settle on an object on a shelf or desk. You don’t have to stare anyone down or put them in a trance, but it’s important to actually look people in the eyes when they’re talking to you. If they sense that you’re distracted, they won’t tell you the information that you need to know. And it goes without saying that your phone, iPad and laptop — unless you’re taking notes — should be powered down and placed out of sight. 2. Be curious
Try not to fall prey to your own assumptions. You’re not testing a hypothesis. And even if you are, don’t act like it. Instead, ask questions. Keep the conversation going by actively trying to get your partner to share more information. There’s no need to pry into personal facts. Instead, ask questions about their professional life. Whether you’re trying to close a deal or find a mentor, a few questions that are professional in nature but also touch on one’s personal narrative can reveal more information than the usual question-and-answer session. 3. Ask open-ended questions
The yes-no answer is a conversation killer. If you are looking for information, phrase your questions and responses in ways that lead to longer, anecdotal answers. For example, if you’re being reviewed, it’s pretty obvious that a question like “am I doing a good job?” won’t get you as thorough of an answer as “what am I doing well?” 4. Acknowledge what’s being said
We’ve all had those conversations with our mothers over the phone where we throw in an obligatory “uh-huh,” “mmm-hmmm” or “got it.” Called “minimal encouragers” or “listening noises,” these small sounds serve as a source of validation for the other person in the conversation. No one wants to hear themselves talk for an excessive amount of time without any reaction from the person on the other end of the table. 5. Watch their actions
Conversations aren’t based on words alone. They’re conveyed through body language and facial manipulations. If you see someone tense up during a certain topic or if you notice they are especially relaxed during another, make a mental note of those subjects and either avoid or highlight them in the future. Sometimes it’s as simple as watching a person’s hands. Are they clenched into fists when the speaker is discussing certain topics? Do they rub the top of their head, wipe their eyes or massage the back of their neck at certain points during the conversation? Keep an eye on those actions and you’ll have a better idea of which topics they deem most important. 6. Listen to their voice
Do their words rise or fall during certain times? Do they speak softly about some subjects and loudly about others? Do you notice if there voice is barely monotone at certain points in the conversation? That’s usually indicative of the information they know they need to convey but aren’t necessarily thrilled about. Do their voices lift with excitement when they talk about those things that are in their wheelhouse? Again, keep a mental note of these cues. 7. Say what they say
Repeat back a phrase or sentence used during the conversation when it’s your opportunity to speak. You can paraphrase as well. Granted, may sound redundant and simplistic but it’s an incredibly easy way for you to let the other person know that you’re not only hearing what they’re saying, but that you’re storing it away for later. When you repeat someone’s concerns, they feel like you’ve now embedded their issues into your own.