In stalemate with parents
Dear Amy: My parents and I have been in a fight for a while, mostly due to money.
I moved in with my folks (with my husband and our two children). They were receiving a generous amount of money from us, covering rent and bills.
When I told my folks we were going to move out, my dad got upset, mainly because he would be losing this help. He said pretty mean things to my husband, and my dad and I got into an altercation where we both said very hurtful words.
It has been a few months now, and recently they reached out to me to spend time with my daughter for her birthday.
They didn’t call to apologize, didn’t call to make amends, just texted me like nothing happened!
How should I respond to this? My daughter, who is 4, misses her grandparents and asks for them constantly, but I am hurt, my husband is hurt and we believe that they need to try to make amends before we let them see our kids.
What should I do? Upset Daughter
Dear Upset: I’m going to offer an alternate read of your question. You move into your parents’ house with your husband and two children.
Yes, they receive rent money from you, but they are more than landlords — they are parents and grandparents, and they make room in their home and in their lives for you and your family during a period when you need it.
You announce that you are moving out, and your father gets upset. Yes, perhaps he will miss the rent money, but it’s also possible that he will miss you. This news might have blindsided your parents, who reacted badly.
In your version, your parents owe you an acknowledgment and apology, even though you and your father both exchanged harsh words. Did you acknowledge or apologize for your own behavior?
You should not withhold contact with your daughter because you are mad at your folks. Your daughter has done nothing wrong, and your parents have not behaved badly toward her.
If you want an explanation, acknowledgment and apology, perhaps you should prove your own maturity by offering one yourself. This might inspire some muchneeded communication.
Dear Amy:
My wife and I have always had dogs. We have a black lab now. We live in south Florida and love having visits from family members.
Unfortunately, we have reached the point that we can no longer welcome guests who bring their dogs.
My wife walks with a cane, and additional dogs at her feet make movement around the house difficult. We also don’t want to be relied on to take care of dogs while everyone is off seeing the sights or visiting friends.
This has caused a rift within the family and numerous arguments.
I suggested that the dogs be boarded in one of the many doggie care centers in town (not at my expense). What would you suggest? Watching Where I Step in Fla.
Dear Watching: I completely agree that visitors to your home be given a list of nearby kennels. This is not something you should have to explain too deeply, or apologize for.
Send questions for Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@amydickinson.com or by mail to Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.