An unexpected doorbell
Dear Amy: My daughter, an almost- single working mother of two teens, recently relayed a scenario, which she said she didn’t know how to handle.
My daughter was going to bed when the doorbell rang. A friend of her 15- year- old son’s was at the door. He was crying, saying his parents had kicked him out of the house.
My daughter has to get up early for work, so she could not stay up and talk to the friend.
She did allow him to come in and reminded both kids that it was a school night.
She said the boy was gone in the morning when she left for work, but she wondered what should have been the right course of action. She does not know the friend’s parents. Wondering
Dear Wondering: I cannot imagine greeting a crying 15year- old boy at the door at night and not trying to console him, reassure him or even find out if he is basically OK. Allowing this boy to spend the night was generous, but it would have taken between 10 to 30 minutes to make this kid a cup of tea and ask him basic questions: Are you safe? Do you want me to call/ text your parents to tell them where you are? Can you talk to the school counselor tomorrow?
Neighbors, aunts and uncles, and the parents of friends can be heroes to adolescents going through rough times. Many times, a glimpse into another family’s healthier way of functioning can help a kid to understand all is not lost.
Your own daughter’s behavior on that night would have reinforced unfortunate assumptions this boy might have about adults: That they just don’t care all that much.
Dear Amy: Over the past several months I have gained 20 pounds ( just from dining out too much). My clothes are no longer f itting me well, and I feel it’s time to lose the weight.
On the plus side, my breasts have ( also) gotten larger, which my husband just loves. He thinks I look just f ine and has asked me not to lose the weight. My question is, who should I please — my husband or myself Worrying Over Weight
Dear Worrying: While it’s nice that your husband loves your new f igure, he doesn’t have to live in your body — you do.
There are a lot of misconceptions about diet and weight loss, but by far one of the most toxic ( in my opinion) is that losing weight is only about how you look. In fact, trying to shed those pounds often has little to do with looks; it’s really about how you feel. I can’t count the number of times I’ve said I’m trying to watch what I eat, and someone has oh- so-thoughtfully replied, “Why? You’re not fat.” This has the effect of negating a person’s efforts and of making you feel like a fool for wanting what you want.
It is terrible to feel like an alien in your own skin or to try and squeeze yourself into your favorite clothes that used to fit perfectly and now resemble sausage casings.
If trying to lose this weight will make you feel your best, then that’s exactly what you should do. Talk to your husband about why you want to do this. Don’t let him make you feel bad about wanting something different than what he wants for you. It’s your body; you deserve to feel the ? way you want to feel — bigger breasts or not.