Wife’s becoming unstable
Dear Amy: I don’t know what do to anymore. My wife of 16 years, whom I love dearly, is not the same person I married. She is prone to mood swings and goes off on our two children or myself at any moment over the smallest things.
Just when I think that things are improving, another episode occurs that sets our lives back.
She has admitted that she’s in a rut. I suggested she go talk to a counselor — but nothing. I suggested we go together to counseling — again, nothing.
When I try to diligently bring up these concerns, it leads to an argument and no resolution.
What should I do? Helpless
Dear Helpless: Your wife should see her physician and have a thorough checkup. Any number of medical issues might be contributing to her intense mood swings. In particular, she should have her thyroid checked.
Your children should not pay the price for your wife’s disordered and unstable behavior. Please do everything possible to protect them from rages. You should ask her to leave the room (or you should take the children elsewhere) until she is calm.
Instead of asking her to see a therapist during (or just after) an episode, you should talk about it when she is stable. Note the impact this is having on your family, and support her in getting help.
Dear Amy: I’d like your opinion. I’m a 61-year-old (white) woman. I’m friendly and outgoing.
I enjoy meeting new people and like striking up conversations with strangers. But in this day and age, with people being so quick to take offense, I worry about saying the wrong thing.
Case in point: I had lunch in a lovely upscale restaurant. The waiter had an accent I couldn’t place. I wanted to ask him where he was from, but that question could be misunderstood. Would he think I was questioning his legal status (which was not the case at all, I was just interested)?
Should I ask the question and take the chance of offending someone? Or don’t ask and maybe miss a chance to have an interesting conversation?
Political correctness has me paralyzed. Life is confusing these days. Wondering Dear Wondering: You might signal your interest in someone by saying (for instance), “Wow, you have a beautiful accent.” If the person volunteers more than a simple “Thank you,” you might take that as an opening for a brief conversation. It is not always appropriate for servers to engage in personal chitchat with patrons, so follow the other person’s lead.
In terms of “political correctness,” I don’t think that people have necessarily become “quick to take offense,” but more that some (previously silent) people have found their voice. So, for instance, back in the day, someone admiring an accent might have asked, “What ARE you?” (meaning, “What is your ethnicity?”). Now, that same person could say, “I like your accent. Where did you spend your childhood?”
If political correctness makes you hesitate before speaking, that’s probably a good thing, but I hope it doesn’t discourage you from trying to connect with people.