Widow is just fine alone
Dear Amy: I feel my situation is more common than most folks are aware of. Let me explain: I’m a 48-year-old woman. I was widowed six years ago.
I have no family left (our children are now adults), and I am lucky to be extremely close to my in-laws.
Here’s the problem: About two years ago, my inlaws and extended in-laws decided that I was “too young to be alone.” Amy, they have started showing up with random “thirsty” men from work, church, the grocery store, you name it!
I’m at peace being by myself. I don’t need money. I love to work in my garden and play with my two cats, while waiting for grandbabies.
I simply don’t want the stress or drama of another relationship.
How do I tell everyone to leave me alone, without destroying the deep bond I share with these family members? Confused
Dear Confused: If you don’t want to be surprised by a poorly curated selection of randos, you should contact all of your in-laws and say, “I love you and appreciate your efforts to see me with another partner, but I’m happy now, and I intend to stay single. Please don’t introduce me to anymore men. It’s awkward for me, and it’s not fair to them, because I’m just not interested.”
Dear Amy: I have a friendship of more than 40 years with a delightful woman. We see each other about once a month, often at dinner in a restaurant with mutual friends. About six months ago, “Sandra” announced to us that she had just discovered that she is allergic/intolerant to gluten. This has become a focus of her life and often dominates the conversation.
Since that time, every trip to a restaurant includes a very (VERY) long discussion with our waitperson and/or chef regarding each item on the menu and whether it fits into her gluten-free diet. Then the bread basket comes, and Sandra dives in because “it’s just too good to pass up.”
Several of us, outside of Sandra’s presence, have commented that not only is the gluten conversation tiresome, but also embarrassing when held in a busy restaurant. Additionally, most people are aware that those who are truly gluten intolerant become very ill when they eat bread, and avoid doing so at all cost. We’d love to talk this out with Sandra but are afraid she’ll become defensive and angry, although this is not her usual reaction to thoughtful criticism. Any advice? Like Oprah, I Love Bread
Dear Love Bread: You say that “Sandra” usually reacts well to thoughtful criticism. So, offer some thoughtful feedback.
Say to her, “Sandra, I hope your health has stabilized since being on this new diet, but do you realize how single-minded you have become? When we get together, we all spend about half of our time talking about gluten. It would be great to catch up about other things, too.” I wouldn’t call her out on her bread noshing. This is an almost too obvious violation of her gluten-free diet.
Your group might get out of this rut by planning an outing that doesn’t revolve around restaurant dining. A hike, a bike ride or a session painting pottery might set you on a new track.