Stark sibling differences

Dear Readers: This week I am running “Best Of” columns while I’m on book tour.

Dear Amy: I’m 17 and have a twin brother. Recently my parents went out of town, and my brother wanted to throw a party. I didn’t want to, but I stayed up to make sure nothing got out of hand.

At 11 p.m. someone brought an incredible quantity of alcohol, and 20 guests showed up. They all began to drink heavily, and soon a guest was feeling sick.

I drove the guest home. When I returned home the place was a nightmare. Everyone was drunk. People were vomiting, there was broken glass on the f loor and someone had cut his foot and was bleeding heavily.

I almost called 911, but a sober friend showed up and persuaded me not to. In the morning, I drove them all home while my brother cleaned up. I have felt guilty and angry at my brother ever since. He tells me I am being dramatic and I should forgive him. Should I ? Terrified Twin

Dear Twin: The route to forgiveness is smoothest when it is paved with an acknowledgment that someone has erred, along with a request to be forgiven. Has your brother done either of these things?

You sound amazingly responsible. But this is an extreme note of caution: If you are ever in a situation where you think to yourself, “I wonder if I should call 911,” call 911. An alcohol overdose can prove fatal.

You must tell your parents about this. Your brother’s choice could have cost your family everything. They should never leave you two home alone overnight again. — September 2013

Dear Amy: My older sister is getting married. Her fiancé and his family are a very Christian conservative family. Mine is extremely liberal.

I am gay. I received an email from my sister saying that she did not think it was right for me to attend her wedding, saying they do not agree with my “lifestyle.” OK, it is her special day. I am fine with her choice.

But when my mother learned I wasn’t invited, she was outraged. Now my family will not attend my sister’s wedding, and my sister and her new fiancé blame me.

What can I do to convince my family that they need to go to my sister’s wedding and also let my sister know that the real problem is that she is losing herself and that this (not my sexual orientation) is the real issue? The Gay Brother

Dear Gay Brother: I can completely understand your family’s choice to not attend this wedding, because denying your attendance seems to be a denial -- not only of your family’s values, but of you.

Your sister and her almost in-laws are excluding you and now blaming you for the drama your exclusion is causing, as if your gayness is really getting in the way of everybody’s good time.

Your graciousness is commendable. Email your sister: “I realize this is your special day. I completely accept your choice and have told other family members this. However, I feel like this choice doesn’t reflect the values we were raised with. I hope you don’t change your core values to suit your new family. I’ll never stop being your loving brother and wish you and your fiance all the best.”

Don’t bother talking your mother into attending. When you’re a parent, you’ll understand how she feels. — July 2014

Send questions to askamy@ amydickinson.com.