Permission to be a mom?

Dear Amy: I’m a 45-yearold single woman. I am financially secure and selfsufficient. I am happy have created a good life for myself.

I also want to adopt or foster a child on my own. I have thought of doing this for years. But every time I bring this up to my parents, I am bombarded by all of the negative aspects of being a single parent.

My father is admittedly prejudiced and has made remarks about the possibility that I may adopt a nonwhite child.

I would not expect my parents to support my child in any way, financially or emotionally. They are amazing people in many ways, but for the life of me I cannot understand why they are so against my goal to adopt on my own.

I don’t wish to alienate my family. How can I handle this situation? Wannabe Mom

Dear Wannabe: The fact that you are so anchored to what your parents think about your family-building goals might mean that you are still not ready for parenthood, because this one is a no-brainer. Stop discussing this with them. If you decided to get pregnant, with or without a partner, would you run this past mom and dad?

You know what your folks are like. You know what their opinions are. Carry on with your own plans, and live your life the way you want to.

Dear Amy: I am a gay male in my mid-60s. I have a good life, a great group of friends and enjoy a variety of activities. I also love to cook and entertain.

About three years ago, three neighbors in my building, each about 10 years my senior, invited me to join their rotating dinner party, held every two weeks. How Ina Garten, right?!! Great food and sparkling conversation! Um, not so much. First off, none of the three are into cooking. One person in the group has served the exact same menu for three years. All are college educated but cannot hold a conversation.

I try to steer conversation to basics, discussing happenings about the building and such, but no luck.

In a recent email reminder, I asked everyone to bring two topics of conversation along to dinner.

Nope. I find myself running at the mouth just to fill awkward silence.

I hosted the last one slightly stoned, but that didn’t help.

I’ve suggested less frequent gatherings. Nope.

I’ve made excuses for not attending, but they adjust the date to accommodate me.

These are basically nice people. How do I excuse myself from these dinners without hurting anyone? SOS!

Dear SOS!: Look at this from a different perspective: Is it fair to these neighbors to continue to subject them to your scrutiny and judgment? Do they deserve your contempt? Perhaps, but let them off the hook, already!

Give them a declarative and polite send-off.

You should send out an email to the group and say, “It has been a nice experience sharing dinners with you, but I think my ability to enjoy and contribute to the gatherings has run its course, so I’m going to have to exit from the group. Thank you so much for inviting and including me. I feel lucky to have you as neighbors and friends.”

Send questions to Amy Dickinson to askamy@ amydickinson.com or by mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.