The Big Apple of her eye
I am a single mom to a 14-month-old child. I’m also a college student, residing in an apartment attached to my dad’s house. I am thankful to be living rent-free, but I’m miserable.
I recently came back from a vacation to New York City, and, as always, I loved it! But I get depressed every time I come home. I have dreams of moving there.
There is a guy there who works for the NYPD, who I see every time I visit. I’m not sure if my feelings for him are infatuation or true love. I’m unsure of how he feels about me.
It seems like we only truly connect when I’m physically in NYC versus being home (I live in a southern state).
Now I’m feeling like I should quit school, find a well-paying job (such as fire or police support services or communication technology), and move to New York.
I want to be able to provide for my child and pursue my dream of moving to New York.
Should I quit school to a find a stable and secure job in New York?
NY State of Mind
Dear State of Mind: New York City can cast a magical spell, but the reality of living there is radically different than visiting.
And that magical “wellpaying job” that you can secure in New York without a college degree?
According to a detailed analysis compiled by MIT (livingwage.MIT.edu ), to make a “living wage” in New York City — for one adult and one child — you would have to earn $62,192 a year (before taxes).
Starting salary for a police dispatcher in New York City is $36,611.
For you, life in New York City would mean no more free rent (housing in New York is estimated at $20,000 a year). Transportation, food, childcare and utilities are also expensive.
If Mr. NYPD were really into you, he would be booking it to your town versus you always traveling there.
A great way to explore professions in law enforcement would be to start closer to home.
Dear Amy: I have a friend who considers me her best friend, but, sadly, I can’t do the same.
She talks constantly, and I realized on many occasions that she doesn’t listen AT ALL. Our husbands are good friends, our kids are close in age, and we attend the same church, so we all see each other often.
When we see them, she monopolizes my time with her issues. I’ve been a good listener.
Recently I had a scary health issue. I told her about it. The next time I saw her she asked how my mom was doing with that issue.
We’ve tried to see them less because of how much she talks.
What’s the best way to take back my time when we’re in social situations?
Moving On
Dear Moving On: What about your feelings? Doesn’t this person’s inattention hurt your feelings? Doesn’t her behavior make you feel disregarded and sad?
You should tell her how you feel. Use “I” statements: “When I’m with you, I don’t feel heard. This makes me feel disregarded. I’m very frustrated.”
This reflection might make her so uncomfortable that she would back away. But there is a chance that this might cause her to examine her own behavior and work hard to change it.
Send questions for Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@amydickinson.com.