Second-guessing herself
Dear Amy: I have spent the last seven years working in the same small department in a relatively small company (80 employees).
My title has changed a couple of times since I have been here, and my responsibilities have increased over the years, but the basic structure of my job is static.
I am very unhappy in my job. Major factors include a brilliant but short-tempered and inconsistent boss, my insecurities, the lack of a substantive raise, boredom and the erosion of the wall I built for myself between work and home life (latenight phone calls out of the blue, scheduling conference calls for 7:30 a.m., etc.).
Although I stand up for myself, my protestations are never well-received, and I cannot expect any support from my boss.
I am expecting a child (my third) in the spring, and I plan not to return after my maternity leave.
I plan to take a year and a half to upgrade my professional qualifications, and then return to the workforce when I can find a position that offers better work-life balance without too much of a pay cut.
The thing is, I am freaking out about this decision. My thoughts are all muddy. On the one hand, I feel like if I only made myself focus better, work harder, be more on the ball, I would have a greater sense of satisfaction from my work, my boss would be happier, the boredom and insecurity would go away and I would not have to leave a job that is impressive (on paper).
On the other hand, I also feel that I am not treated with respect, that fault will always be found in my work rather than giving me my due, that my boss’ expectations are inconsistent and unrealistic and that I have coped with this as well as anyone possibly could.
How do I sort through these conflicting feelings to get some peace of mind? Worried
Dear Worried: I don’t think you should sort through these conflicted feelings. I think you should just make a decision to change jobs, and then do so.
Your professional goals and skills have outpaced both your job satisfaction and your compensation. The job market right now is good, and ultimately you will grow more by leaving than by staying.
Dear Amy: I am a single man living on my own on the West Coast. My immediate family live on the East Coast, where most of the extended family live.
My sister and her whole family and my parents were invited to a cousin’s wedding on the East Coast. I was not.
I am not really hurt at not being invited, as I don’t feel especially close to the bride due to the distance between us and an age gap. That having been said, it feels strange to ignore this happy occasion.
Photos will be on Facebook and Instagram and my sister will be attending, so it is obvious that I know about it.
Is there an appropriate way to acknowledge this and at the same time, not have the bride and her family feel badly for not including me? Uninvited in L.A.
Dear Uninvited: It would be kind of you to send a card (and gift, if you want). Keep your message warm: “Congratulations to both of you! I’m very happy for you, and look forward to seeing you on my next trip east.”