New teacher wants to quit

Dear Amy: This summer I left an unhappy but reliable job for a transitional teaching program. I’ve always been interested in teaching but hadn’t pursued it. All summer I was excited and looking forward to being in the classroom. But three days into it, I want out.

I came home after the first day and had a terrible panic attack. The school and the kids are actually pretty nice (I don’t anticipate discipline problems), and the school is fairly supportive. My anxiety wasn’t because of these external things but, rather, because I simply don’t seem to like teaching.

My three days haven’t been so terrible, but I have an awful feeling of sadness and disappointment, and the undeniable feeling that I’ve made a big mistake.

I want permission to quit, but I don’t know if I deserve it. Hello teaching, goodbye teaching

Dear Hello, Goodbye: I give you permission to quit. But not yet. You ”deserve” professional satisfaction, and the children you teach definitely deserve to have a dedicated teacher.

Here’s one secret to my own unique career path: I always give myself permission to quit. The thing is, granting myself this permission also helps me to settle down, tackle any anxiety, delay any hurried or panicked response, and make a rational choice. So far, I’ve never quit a job. But — for you — quitting might be the most rational choice.

You should quickly seek a mentor within your school setting. Be honest with the administration, and ask to be teamed with a seasoned teacher for consultation. You should, at the very least, promise yourself (and your employer) that you will see this through to a natural termination point — the end of the semester, perhaps. You have an obligation to the children you are teaching.

Dear Amy: I was seeing a wonderful lady, “Mari,” for three years. We broke up for a period of nine months over differences with child-rearing that we have since corrected.

During the period we were broken-up, initially I tried to reconcile, but she told me I should date other people because she was no longer in love with me. I did date other people, but she came back into my life when she caught wind of a girl I was starting to see regularly.

I loved my ex, so I took her back. She said she didn’t mean it when she said she didn’t love me anymore, but I don’t trust her now. I’m suspicious about her real reasons for reconciling.

I kept all the contacts I made while we were separated, and now my girlfriend is mad about them. I am thinking I made a mistake in reconciling. What do you think? Ambivalent

Dear Ambivalent: It seems somewhat likely that you and “Mari” are experiencing a sort of faux-reconciliation. This happens when exes reenter one another’s orbit, drawn by regret, jealousy, mutual attraction — or one too many cocktails.

You two need to decide if you are going to seriously commit, or simply dance for a while. Her motives to get back together might be suspect, but your choice to hang onto your previous contacts and basically bring them into this relationship speaks to your own lack of commitment. This is gamesmanship, not commitment, and it calls for a serious conversation.