Nanny is also a dog sitter

I’m a nanny, and the family I work for has a sweet lap dog they inherited from their grandma, who recently passed away. I think that sentiment and grief are what led them to keep a dog poorly suited for their lifestyle.

They spend a lot of time out of the house and the dog has to be crated while they are gone, especially as the house is being redone and the workers aren’t careful about keeping him from going into the street. The family is loving and treats the dog well, but a problem has arisen: He always behaves better when I’m around. He doesn’t bark, he falls asleep at my feet, and he doesn’t try to chase cars when we go on a walk.

They have started joking that I should take the dog. All of this has made me feel guilty when I leave at the end of the day!

I don’t think it’s my place to tell them how to take better care of this dog. How do I ease the guilt and let go? I definitely don’t want a dog.

Dear Nanny:

This family has acquired a new family member, and this increases your workload. You might be able to negotiate a raise based on this extra work. “Monetizing” this sweet pup will remind your employers that you are a professional caregiver.

If they are on vacation, for instance, you should agree to canine care only if they are willing to pay you a fair wage for dog sitting. Don’t let them pressure you to take the dog home with you, because then, I assure you, you will end up with him.

It sounds as if you have the golden touch with children and canines — and this is no surprise because caring for children and dogs requires a similar skill set: patience, gentleness, and firm and loving course corrections.

The next time they joke or hint about this, you should say, “Well, there is no way I will take the dog, but I have gotten to know him, and if you want I’d be happy to show you some of the things I’ve learned.”

Dear Amy:

My family was invited to my cousin’s wedding. We replied that we would all be there. My cousin sent me a message that they received our response and that our daughter was not allowed.

My wife and I are upset! Our daughter is a toddler but well-behaved. My instinct is to politely respond that we will no longer be attending the wedding. There will be several family members coming from out of town we barely see and would’ve liked the opportunity for them to see our daughter.

They are certainly free to invite whomever they want to their wedding, but to me the whole point is to gather family and friends to celebrate the union of two people.

What should I do?

Dear Upset:

You don’t get to decide what the point of your cousin’s wedding is. A wedding is a sacred ceremony and — in this case — also a party for grown-ups. I infer that this wedding is being held near where you live, which would make it easier for you to secure child care as well as welcome out-oftown family members to your home for an introduction to your toddler.

If you can’t understand this and manage to rein in your anger, then, yes, it sounds as if your family should stay home.