Peeved over grandfather

Dear Amy: My parents have taken in my 95-year-old grandfather. My grandfather has six other kids, and no one else wanted him to live with them.

I feel as if I have lost my parents until my grandfather passes. I’ll invite them to come to their grandchild’s ”grandparent day” at school, and it’s, ”No, we can’t leave Dad alone,” or, ”Oh, we can’t make it to the twins’ birthday party, because we can’t leave Dad.”

I live almost two hours away, and my grandfather won’t go anyplace other than the doctor or church. No other family member is available.

Every time I talk to my mother now, it’s all about my grandfather. I DON’T CARE!

Short of cutting off ties with my parents, what am I supposed to do?

I expressed all my opposition to this before he moved in. I said it was a bad idea. I was not listened to.

I do still try to visit them once a month, but it’s hard. I work full time and have to do things like take care of my kids’ laundry and buy groceries.

I miss my parents, and my kids miss their grandparents! Want Them Back

As much as I would like to answer your letter by saying, ”I DON’T CARE!,” I won’t do that, because I have a shred of compassion toward you. And you should have a shred of compassion toward your parents. It is hard to imagine that these people you are so desperate to spend time with raised such a selfish, self-centered person.

For the next phase of their lives, your folks are going to be wrapped up in this hard thing they are doing. Your mother is going to be at least as concerned about your grandfather as you are about your kids’ laundry. So yes, for now her life will be all about him. Deal with it.

You should suck it up and find ways to support your parents during this challenging time. If you want to see them, take the kids to visit. It would probably be good for your children to witness some multigenerational loving kindness.

Dear Amy: I need advice on how to help my sister, “Betsy.” Betsy was married for eight years to a guy who lied, took drugs and was verbally abusive.

Thank goodness, they got divorced two years ago.

Since then she has tried flirting with some guys at her work, only to be shot down.

She briefly tried online dating, again without much success. She talked to a couple of guys (at different times) who said they would like to get to know her better, but they ghosted her after she suggested meeting in person.

This has led to loneliness and self-pity.

Amy, she is a sweetheart. She is smart and caring. How can I help her out of this downward spiral? Worried Sister Dear Worried Sister: Rather than focusing too intensively on your sister’s dating problems, you should encourage her to work on some social and friendship skills for her to become more self-actualized. Professional counseling or coaching will help. When she feels better and more in control, she’ll have an easier time coping with her meeting and dating challenges.

And dating is a challenge for everyone. Your sister will need both confidence and patience.