How not to be a mooch

Dear Amy: My parents are the best. Picture the mom who sends impromptu “thinking of you” cards and care packages, and the dad who checks your oil. They have always supported me emotionally, mentally and even financially when I was in college. I live every day full of gratitude for their love and the life they were able to give my brother and me.

Even though I am in my 30s, married, have an awesome career, they are still trying to take care of me. When we go out to eat, even if they travel to visit me, they try to pay the bill. This normally ends in a battle to get the check at the end of the meal. Sheesh — the poor servers who have to put up with us at the end of the meal (it’s not an actual yelling battle, more like a comedy of trying to hide the other person’s wallet).

That in itself is not so big a deal, but in a few weeks we will be temporarily moving in with my parents for three to six months so we can shop/build a home closer to them, due to my dad’s declining health.

I’ve brought up the subject of paying rent or taking over groceries and utilities, but they won’t hear of it!

Amy, how do I get my parents to realize that they raised a daughter who is responsible, successful and entirely capable of not only taking care of herself but showing my appreciation for them in return? And that it would make me uncomfortable feeling like I was mooching off my parents, even for a short time? Daughter in a Dilemma

Dear Daughter: Your folks may never be able to accept money from you, but you should do your very best to be of service to them while you are living in their home. For instance, if your mother insists on doing all of the cooking, you and your husband should do all of the clean-up. See if you can take on some of the driving and errand running, such as icking up groceries. If your mother gives you a list, you might be able to actually pay for something.

You and your husband should also make sure you have a set schedule of times when you will not be home (for instance, a regular “date night”), so your folks can retreat to their own routines.

Accept your parents’ largesse with grace. Love them with equal abundance. If your father’s health continues to fail, you will be asked to step up in all sorts of ways — and you will.

Dear Amy: Do you have any advice on how to get people to comprehend that when I say I don’t hear well, it means I cannot understand what they say?

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve explained why I don’t talk on the phone — only to be confronted with, “OK. What time will you be available to talk on the phone?”

I’m to the point of saying “Hey, MORON, I can’t hear on the ... phone!” I don’t say it but sure do think it.

I communicate exclusively via text message or email, but others refuse to accommodate me.

Am I handling this wrong? Hard of Hearing

Dear Hard of Hearing: You might have better luck if you phrase your response differently: “I have severe hearing loss and can’t talk on the phone. Are you willing to text or email?” Ending your statement with an “ask” tosses this to them.

I wonder if there is adaptive technology that mitigate your hearing loss so you can communicate more easily. You should look into it.