Can’t get over mother’s lie

Dear Amy: My mother is 93.

I found out a few years ago that she was pregnant with me when she and my father got married. I was looking through some papers (birth certificates and such), and I saw that their marriage license was in a sealed envelope. I thought it was kind of strange but never said anything.

My mom gave me all of her important papers to put into my safe deposit box, so I opened the envelope and saw that my parents got married the year I was born, not the year before that, as they have always said.

I asked my mom about this, and the only thing she really said was that she was madly in love with my dad.

I think she should tell my sisters, since she was lying to us all these years.

She gave my youngest sister a terrible time when she got pregnant without getting married.

Should I encourage her to tell my sisters what has been hidden from our family? Oldest Sister

Dear Sister: Yes, I think your parents should have told all of their children the truth, many years ago. If they had, maybe you’d be over it by now instead of pecking at your elderly mother over something you cast as an important deep and dark secret — but which shouldn’t be considered a scandalous betrayal all these years later.

There is an undercurrent of disrespect and anger here, and because of this you probably should not be handling your mother’s important, private and personal business.

You might start the ball rolling by choosing to be honest with your mother in the way you wish she had been honest with you.

Tell her, “Mother, I’ve been going through your papers. I opened the sealed envelope containing your wedding certificate you entrusted to me and I see that you misstated the year of your wedding. I think you should disclose this to all of your children. I also think I might not be the right person to oversee your affairs because I can’t seem to stop judging you about this inconvenient truth.”

Dear Amy: Christmas is approaching and I know from experience what that will look like for my 18month-old daughter and my mother-in-law: So many clothes. And toys. An avalanche of stuff.

I love my mother-in-law, but I am a dedicated tree hugger, and the textile industry is catastrophically destructive for the planet.

I shop 100% secondhand, except for the obviously necessary exceptions, all of which I source from companies with transparent methodologies and third-party accountability.

Is there any way I can communicate this that’s unlikely to cause a problem?

My MIL believes that climate change is a hoax. Reluctant Clothes Horse

Dear Reluctant: I hope your partner is onboard with this, because you two should be a united front in dealing with your mother-in-law.

You might approach this by assuming she is going to have a problem with it — and her problem is something you’re going to have to tolerate so you can get through this together.

Tell her, “We are being really strict about the things we bring into the house. We’d like you to cut down your giving to two pieces of clothing and two small toys. Can you help us with that?”