Stuck in a custody dispute

I am a 15-yearold girl who is in the middle of a custody battle.

My father lives in a different state, and that’s who I want to live with, but my mother has custody of meand won’t let me go.

I feel I should make the decision, and so I told my mother how I feel. She said, “Well, you’re not in charge of your life. I am, and so you should just be grateful.”

It would seem that I need a better way to approach my mother, but I don’t know how. It’s My Life

Dear My Life:

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Each state operates a little differently when it comes to child custody. Depending on what state you live in, at the age of 15, the court will listen to what you want and will take your wishes into account. There is no guarantee that you will get to choose which home you will get to live in, but the family court judge will note your preference and make the best decision for you. The court — not you, and not your parents — will make the final decision.

When your parents separated, if your father moved out of state, this might be a factor in the court’s decision.

You should make your wishes known to both of your parents. Do not insult your mother, but instead explain your reasons. Maybe you want a fresh start? If that is the case, then you should say so. Would she be willing to let you live with your father on a trial basis, perhaps over the summer?

Your father should make sure that his lawyer — and the court — are aware of your preference.

The court might decide that it is best for you to stay where you are. Various factors include your schooling, and both parents’ ability to take care of you.

Dear Amy:

I’m 64 and have been a widower for over five years. I started dating about three years ago.

I have met women through an activity I participate in, then a dating website related to that activity, through business after-hour events, local speed dating, and get-togethers. I’ve also spent many months happily on my own, because dating is a job, and I’m more comfortable now being single. But, after a couple of brief relationships, I would like companionship again.

I recently put up a profile with Facebook on their new dating app. You get to “like” someone and if they like you back, or vice versa, you can chat. After a line or two back and forth, I ask if they are interested in getting together to see if there is more than an online attraction.

Twice this has happened, and no response. A third woman was going to meet, but then had a death in the family and had to cancel.

Am I asking too soon? Shouldn’t both parties be eager for a meeting? Isn’t that the whole point of a dating site, to date? Stumped and Frustrated

Dear Stumped:

I believe you are asking these women to meet you too soon. The idea is to use the site to see if there is a mutual attraction or interest, and then to use the communication tool to see if you have a rapport.

Many women don’t want to meet a stranger before she feels a level of comfort concerning his identity and intentions. For many people, this requires more than a “line or two.” Perhaps you should practice building rapport online. Wait to see if the woman suggests meeting. When you do, meet during the day for coffee.